Twitter. All of you reading this know I love Twitter. I go on there, crack some jokes, make fun of people's grammatical errors and tweet some of my feelings. Yeah. It's hella fun.
But what happens when you lose who you are? When Twitter becomes the most important part of your life? Is it okay to say it's an addiction at that point? A disease? Maybe.
We follow people we find funny or interesting. People we think we can actually like in real life. Until we realize we've been Catfished and that person you've grown to like/love is nothing but a boring fraud.
How true are you to yourself? Does Twitter dictate what you say and how you live your life? Are the opinions of your followers important? Do you feel the need to impress them? Is the upward movement of your Mentions column of the utmost importance? Does your follower count make you happy? A lot of you are probably shaking your head like, "Nope. Not me." Yeah. It's probably you.
Twitter Logic probably sickens me the most. So many of you have succumbed to it. Believe in it. Live by it. Safe to say, you are an idiot. Latest example ... Michael Kors. Yes. MK is not a new brand but it has exploded in the past year. (Thanks in large part to Nicki Minaj.) But according to Twitter, Michael Kors is absolute trash and only lessers wear anything MK-related. On Christmas day, I did a lot of tweetwatching and I couldn't help but holler. How idiotic are some of you?! Hiding behind your Compaq, telling other people that their gifts are "cheap" and "trashy" when you're wearing your Geneva interchangeable band gift set from the Florida Flea Market?! How dare you? And to make matters worse, you have people now EMBARRASSED to twitpic or Instagram their watches/jewelry/handbags. Seriously?
Then you have the women that come on here only to have their self esteem beat even further into the ground. Light skinned women are the goddesses of the planet ... According to Twitter. Dark skinned women are worth nothing. Diddly squat. Ugly. Trash. Disgusting. But ... all of this is coming from some guy using his Dell desktop in his mommy's basement. Yeah. Then some idiot is gonna second guess his incredible (dark skinned) girlfriend and opt out to be with a "light skinned bad bitch" who'll probably have him as an extra on her set. Ass. Poor "darkie" is probably gonna feel really bad about herself and may even think about lightening her skin. Girl ... don't you dare.
Twitter changes people! Not everyone, though. And not always negatively. But for those who haven't found themselves yet and are confused about what they really want, Twitter becomes the Holy Grail. The Book of Social Acceptance. Say the right thing and watch your RTs roll in! The best feeling ever. "The funnier I am, the more they like me." Yeah. That's it. But how far do you take the jokes? Are you going to offend/disrespect people you care about for a retweet or mention? Yeah? Wow. You need to leave Twitter alone. It is not for you, babe.
A lot of you are so funny and witty and cool on Twitter ... but in person? The exact opposite. Clumsily awkward and weird. Why do you feel the need to pretend for people? And strangers at that. Is your real life not good enough? Must you come on to a social network and be someone totally different? You prefer to be loved for being something you're not? Must be awesome.
Maybe I'm too straightforward. I don't give a rat's ass about who likes me and who doesn't. You will know how I feel and if you don't like it, that's okay. No grudges held. At least you'll know where you stand and how I feel. And to me, at the end of the day, that's what's most important.
Twitter is not for the weak. People are ruthless. All they care about is a chuckle here or there. Feelings are to be left at the front door. And if you TRULY believe that each of your followers gives two farts about you, then you are sadly mistaken. Granted, real relationships can happen but not with everyone.
Use Twitter for the right reasons. To network. Not for social acceptance. There IS a difference.
This year has been good to me. No, I didn't win the lottery and I wasn't proposed to but I did find myself. It's been a long time coming and it feels so good. We have 3 more months to go and if God spares my life to see the other 3, my life experiences are only gonna make me a batter person.
I've loved myself this year. Accepted myself. Inclusive of flaws and what others may deem shortcomings. Every freckle, every dimple, every ounce of fat ... it is MINE. And only I can wear it this well and make it look so damn good!
I went against the grain. Forgot about what may be comfortable for others and did what was right for me. We spend so much of our time worrying about what may be good for others, neglecting ourselves in the process. We stay in unhealthy and sometimes abusive relationships overly concerned about what people may say. I. COULD. NOT. CARE. LESS. At night, I need to go to sleep with a clear conscience and a light heart. I have to live this life for ME. I don't get a do-over.
It takes a lot of energy being something someone else wants you to be. I don't know how many other ways I can say this. Please. Be yourself. God made you to be Samantha. Why are you trying to be Jennifer? She does it well enough. Perfect who you are. And if people can't appreciate that, that's okay. Not everyone is going to like you.
I used to be a people pleaser. Always careful of what I did and said; afraid to hurt feelings and make situations uncomfortable. I live for ME. I dress the way I want. Eat what I want. Say what I want. Live the way I please. If someone doesn't like it, they can simply stay away from me. I feel as though once my actions aren't blatantly disrespectful, I don't owe anyone an apology.
I've learned to mute the unwarranted opinions of others. Lord Jesus, this is a struggle. EVERYONE has an opinion. Myself included. Everyone's a critic, psychologist, therapist, counsellor and guru of EVERYTHING. While your criticism may be welcomed, it is not always accepted. So while you may disapprove of the man in my life or my choice of worship, I truly don't care. I can only live for me. I may let you take over on the next lap eh. Thanks.
I've learned to stop looking for love. Love is all around us. Looking for us. Let it find you. This one was the most interesting for me. A part of me gave up on love after searching so hard for it. I'd spend hours trying to improve myself for someone else. Everything I did was centered around getting the attention of a man to validate my worth. Now? Pfft. I do things for me. Sometimes I cuss and drink, I don't go to church as much as I'd like and I am NOT a neat freak. Can't accept that? Then you can keep it moving, bro. I'm over trying to remake myself for someone and when they leave I'm disheveled and STILL unaware of who the hell Macarra really is. I know who I am and what I can bring to the table.
I hope that each of you reading this can look back and say that this year, so far, has been one for the record books. If not, you have a few more months to show up and show out! ;)
Opposites attract. How many times have we heard this line? A million right? Now while I agree with this to a certain extent, more often than not, we attract that which we are.
Don't believe me? Take a long, hard, serious look at the types of persons you attract; both platonic and romantic. Look at your friends. What are their goals, hobbies, interests? Aren't they a lot like yours? Then take a look at the people that you've dated. If you were to lay across the board their personality traits, I promise you will find a common thread - and that common thread can be found in you. I've done it today. I literally wrote down the names of guys that I seriously dated and found that a lot of them had more in common than I thought. Some of them even looked alike. I found three main common traits:
1.They were all very goal oriented / successful
2. They all had an excellent sense of humor
3. They were all God fearing.
Those are all some of MY OWN traits. I attracted persons similar to me. This is why we were able to sit down and talk about everything and nothing at the same time. This is why we were able to connect on so many levels: spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
Now while we DO attract some losers,let's just chalk that up to them being overly confident and zealous. Cuz honey child, sometimes I'm on my lunch break walking downtown and the gooniest of dudes come on to me and I'm forced to wonder if I missed the neon sign on my forehead that reads "Will Talk For Sex". :\
Most of you reading this are probably single. (Not poking fun, but simply going off my demographics). While some of you are happily single, the majority of us are actively looking or anxiously awaiting a fruitful, healthy relationship. But what vibes are we putting out? What signals are we sending the opposite sex? That we're happy and confident? That we're emotional and needy? That we're bitter and angry? Which of these three are people going to be most attracted to?
Now I'm not saying go out there skipping Downtown to the tune of "Supercallafragalisticespialladocious" but my Lord, would it hurt you to have SOMETHING to be happy about? Instead of railroading men and bashing women, have you ever stopped to think, "Dang, I woke up this morning. I must be God's favorite"?! Never? Well honey I am sorry for you because you will always complain about men being no good and women being stupid. Know why? *In my whispering voice* Because YOU'RE no good and because YOU'RE stupid. :( I'm so sorry to have to say it like that, but until you check stock within yourself, you will NEVER be happy!
And to you pretty faces out there, that will only get you so far. It's like a bottle of perfume. I may look at pretty bottle first, but will be instantly turned off by it's scent! I'd prefer an ugly bottle with a sweet scent than the pretty bottle that reeks! And to you struggle faces/bodies out there, please for the love of God ... BE NICE! You already losin' half the battle ... don't lose the entire war!
Last thing, stop depending on other people to make you happy. DO IT FOR YOURSELF! Don't go to the salon to impress a guy or get new kicks to impress that chick - DO IT FOR YOU! Trust me, when you begin to work on your own happiness, I promise that others will see and gravitate toward you. "You catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar". (Although, I never knew why one would want to catch bees. But you get the point). Be NICE. And be GENUINE about it, because being faking sweetness is far worse than you being a complete wench.
So instead of sitting back and thinking, "Why the hell can't I find someone to love me?" Think "How can I make myself a better LOVEABLE person?" ... I promise you it WORKS. I am a living testimony! *insert Baptist stomp and running through aisles here*
Love who you are and watch how many others will love you right back.
So I usually write blogs on things like this, but I found a video posted on Google+ (I still really hate you Rendera) that summed up everything I may have wanted to say.
In this day and age, technology has taken over and what used to seem impersonal are now our main forms of communication. We email, text, BBM, WhatsApp, voicemail, IM, Skype, tweet ... we use it all. With that said, we meet a range of people online from all over the world. With a click of a button we can feel as if we're in the same room as someone that's sitting comfortably in their own house, tens of thousands of miles away.
Maybe I'm just a sucker for love but this video did something to me. It showed me that you CAN find love. It doesn't matter WHERE you are. And whose to say it isn't real because you met the person over the internet? Whose to say it won't last? And even if it doesn't, isn't it better to have love and lost than to not love at all? Please watch this video. It was just the sweetest thing.
"Ya jus' like ya worthless pa."
"Girl shut up 'bout any daddy. He does do anything fa you?"
How many times have we heard these lines? Countless right? Now while there are a PLETHORA of worthless fathers out there, we have some that are stepping up to the plate and doing their part. Investing into their children and not just monetarily. They spend time with them, create loving memories, discipline and lead. They may be a rare species but they are out there.
Now, to you baby mamas out there, I NEED y'all to stop badgering the good daddy of your child/children. I mean, I sit and listen to some women complain about their no good BDs and I think to myself, "I pray I don't find myself in that situation." And I also hear a lot of hypocritical attention seeking BMs who complain just because they want to. Listen, just because you're the BM doesn't mean you and BD are sworn enemies. You CAN get along, if only for the sake of your child. Stop being selfish and forget about yourself and remember that you have another LIFE you need to be concerned about.
It's so funny. He does for the child. Pays school fees. Buys grocery/school lunch in bulk. Pays for clinic/doctor visits. Spends quality time with them. Yet you bash him. Why? Because he didn't give you money for a new outfit or some spare change to get your nails done? NAWL! That's BS man. It's not his place to take care of your lifestyle, sweetheart. His responsibility came out of your vagina - his child. You have served your purpose. Now let him take care of his.
Then to the ladies that wanna PUBLICLY bash their BDs. All on Facebook, Twitter ... shit .. some of you even wanna give radio shout outs to "no good daddies". I mean ... WHY?! So that you can call yourself independent? So that your Facebook and Twitter friends can be impressed? People who you JUST met? Come on, man. Don't be bitter. Are you upset because it didn't work out? Because you thought he was a man of financial means and could save you from poverty? Well, that's what you get. And don't call him stupid and ugly now ... because you weren't saying that when you were on top or beneath him. And if YOU DID say that .. YOU my dear are nothing but a gold digger. Sleeping with a man for money. But your trap backfired. You got the baby. But not the man. Nor the money. Sucks, huh? NOW STOP BASHING THAT MAN BEFORE HE FINDS OUT AND STOPS GIVING YOU MONEY! Then how will you afford your "independent" lifestyle? Your cute son's gonna wind up in a government primary school eating noodles everyday. STOP. SHOWING. OFF!
My daddy may not be the best but I remember when he did for me. And even when he stopped my mom NEVER bashed him. EVER. She'd MAKE me call him and almost forced me to respect him. She is a REAL woman. Not like some a y'all wanna-bes out there. Y'all independent seff. :)
So to all the good baby daddies out there ... doing your part ... KUDOS TO YOU! Your wretch of a baby mama may not acknowledge it ... but GOD does. And He's who really matters. Happy Father's Day to you!! xoxo
Okay, so there was news of a "tornado" in Nassau today. Everyone was in a bit of a tizzy. The story made it to the Tribune's website and some asshole commented to say,"A sign from God condemning all this gayness on this island. Bahamas repent!" Well. WHOEVER you are, mini-Jesus, you my dear are a hypocritical IDIOT. So EVERY natural "disaster" that threatens the safety of The Bahamas is a sign from GOD to not be GAY?! SERIOUSLY?!
Oh forget the fact that we've seen HOW many murders for the YEAR?! SIXTY?!?!?! Forget the countless armed robberies, rapes, sexual assaults, domestic disputes ... Nope. They are nothing. The ONLY sin in the WORLD whose retribution is Hell is homosexuality. You friggin' idiot.
Bahamians have GAT to be some of the most narcissistic, self-righteous, hi-faluting hypocritical people in the WORLD! How DARE you sit there and make a mockery of God? I may not be saved and preaching the Word but I DO know my Bible. And the God I know is a God of DECENCY and ORDER. Don't believe me? ... Check it for yourself. (I Corinthians 14:33). Since y'all wanna get religious. YES it is a sin, but how many sins have YOU committed today? And don't tell me it's an abomination because I know that. But so are these (according to Proverbs 6:16-19):
1. Haughty eyes
2. A lying tongue
3. Hands that shed innocent blood
4. A heart that devises wicked schemes
5. Feet that are quick to rush into evil
6. A false witness who pours out lies
7. A person who stirs up conflict in the community.
Mr./Ms. Asshole who posted that comment: guess which one you are?
Now if ANY of you can sit there and say that you are completely innocent of any of the seven sins God considers an abomination (according to the Bible) then feel free to come at me. Otherwise, have a seat in your comfy church pew. Thanks eh!
We keep asking people to "let us in" not being entirely sure of what it is we're really asking of them. You may think she's always sweet and bubbly but would you still feel the same after being exposed to her insecurities? You may think he's a perfect gentleman but what happens when we get a glimpse into his abusive, unstable past? To "let someone in" is an incredibly difficult exercise. CHOOSING to make yourself vulnerable to someone else's opinions of you is HARD.
A few months ago, I met a guy. He seemed nice enough and we became good friends. Flirted every now and then. He kept asking me to let my guard down and let him see the real me. I chuckled to myself and told him, “Sweetheart, let’s keep it neutral. You’re not prepared to deal with the real Macarra.” Still, he persisted and insisted that there was more to me than maniacal, sarcastic tweets and was determined to find out more.
We talked every single day for about 6 months. And when I say every day … I MEAN every day. So being human, I began to subconsciously let my guard down and he’d always point it out with a remark like, “See, I’m getting to you. It won’t be long until I’ve seen all sides of Macarra.” Hearing this sent my poor heart into a tizzy and I tried even harder to be a little more calloused in my approach. But have you ever tried to not think about something? Don’t you think about it even more? Annoying, I know. And the more I tried to keep my guard down, the harder it became. He was a friend now. Shit, even more than that. It was almost impossible to keep him at arm’s length when he was already privy to most of my private thoughts and parts.
There would be days when sassy Macarra was kept at bay and he was now looking at the Macarra that cried when she got upset, when she was hurt or when she was annoyed. He now got to see the Macarra that was giddy and playful. The Macarra that wanted a million kisses before bed and twenty seven hugs before she left your house. The Macarra that grew up as an only child and spent many, if not all of her days drowning in a book. The Macarra that had an abusive boyfriend, a non-existent father and an overbearing but loving mother. Much more than those sarcastic tweets, huh?
As I predicted, it was too much for my good friend and I could slowly feel him slipping away. What else could I do but let him go? I was only being myself, the Macarra he practically BEGGED to see and look at what had happened. It was impossible to go back to being the Macarra he first met because she is only one facet. I was already comfortable being myself around him and now that he wanted to revert back to the “old days” I couldn’t deliver. My guard was already down. He was already let in. And I don’t think he was prepared. Just as I predicted.
So before you ask someone to “let you in” ensure that you’re willing to stick around even if you aren’t fond of what you might see. And this goes for friendships as well. You may want to be my friend because I know how to party but are you willing to be there for me when I’m not in a partying mood? When I need a shoulder to literally cry on and comforting words?
So I haven’t written in a minute, but please know that I have been observing some ish. The most prevalent problems seems to be: Fake Ass People.
Now there are many versions of “fake” but thas a Blog for next week for SURE. But the fake I’m talkin’ about is when people come up from absolutely NOTHING and wanna act all brand new. Like bitch are you SERIOUS?! I know more about you than you think! BELIEVE ME.
I'm all about the come up. Growing up poor, having to go to school without lunch sometimes, eating tea and bread for dinner because your mom just couldn't afford anything else. To being CEO of some conglomerate, living in a kick ass house and driving the only Bentley in town. Yeah yeah yeah, bla bla bla. Ine mad at ya. Believe me, I 'm actually proud of you. Determined to make a better life for yourself. I like that.
But I have a REAL problem with you SWITCHIN. Yeah, switchin. All of a sudden because you can afford some Steve Maddens and Gucci penny loafers, you FORGET. I'm not asking you to NOT have these things, I just wish you'd be a little more humble about it. How DARE you look at some poor girl that's wearing a tattered sweater, point fingers and laugh? Who gave you the right? When just a few years ago, that was YOU. Walking around with your head down, afraid to look up because you were so scared people were looking at you and laughing. Having to go outside to eat your lunch while everybody ate theirs in the staff kitchen. PLEASE DON'T DO IT.
Having to take public transportation cuz for THE longest you didn't have a car but because you have a new car you wanna LOOK DOWN on people that take the bus to work?! OMG. You have GOT to be FRIGGIN KIDDING ME! Please get up off your high horse. We can see all up under your skirt from down here .. And we do NOT like the view!! Cuz all we can see if BULLSHIT.
Your attention seeking antics are truly pathetic. Do you REALLY have to name drop ALL THE TIME?!
"You see these shoes? Gucci."
"You see this wallet? Prada."
"You smell this cologne. Salvatore Ferragamo. $135.00"
Booboo, NOBODY CARES! Like SERIOUSLY! Get the HELL over yourself. Then this is what REALLY kills me. You become a "socialite". And try your best to fit in with these people that laughed at you just years ago. Because you couldn't fit in. Because you weren't cool enough. Because you weren't wealthy enough. But these the SAME people you wanna lotion right up right?! I mean grease all in they crack. But this is the KICKER. They STILL don't like you. They don't care about you. But they WILL however care if you want to cover the tab, EVERYTIME. If you want to get exclusive party passes for them. If they need a ride, anywhere, at anytime. If when they need some money, they can always call on you. And you think you've found friends right?
And what about your "old" friends? Y'know, the ones who were on your side when you had NOTHING. Who brought you Sunday dinner and enough to last you for a few days. Who lay with you on your bedroom floor because you didn't have a bed. Who brought you a cooler of ice because you didn't have a refrigerator. How can you forget these people and furthermore, how far you've come?!
And to fix your mouth to say something like, "I don't know what it is to have nothing." ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME?! You might as well call yourself Casper because we can see RIGHT through your transparent ass. There is NOTHING wrong with having humble beginnings. I've lived both worlds ... The world of LOTS and the world of NOTHING. And they've each made me to appreciate the small things in life.
Don't have a car to get to work? AT LEAST YOU HAVE A JOB!
Don't have enough money to buy a new living room set? AT LEAST YOU HAVE A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD.
Ugh. I'm all about being grateful and appreciative and not taking life so seriously. Stop treasuring these material things. Cuz when you're down and out and have no one to call, how much consolation can a Cartier watch be? Think about it!
La Chienne La Plus Douce
Let me tell y’all somethin’ about life. This thing is SO funny. The people that you look down on today can very well be the very same people you’ll need tomorrow, or even today for that matter.
I met this young man a few years back, we really hit it off. Became good friends even. If I wanted an intelligent conversation or positive feedback on something I’d call him. Nice right? I know! Fast forward to about a year later, he begins to gain some kind of “fame” I guess he thought and because I didn’t offer any immediate assistance to his rise, he decided it was best to ignore my phone calls, text messages and instant messages. Hmmm, okay. Oh, and then he says it’s because he’s networking right now and he doesn’t have time to build any personal relationships because his “career” comes first. Wow. Umm, okay. Again.
So being the human I am, I was really hurt. But I chalked it up to another one of life’s lessons and experiences. Now fast forward to about 2 years later, which would be last year. He’s found his “fame”. GOOD FOR YOU BRUH! Good for you. I’m real proud. And being the silly goat that I am, I took it upon myself to find my “friend” and congratulate him on his successes. But lo and friggin’ behold, I get exactly what I was looking for. So I go up to this dude to hug him and because he’s with his new “network” all of a sudden I’m ghetto trash. What the hell?! Oh, I’m sorry my daddy isn’t so and so, and I didn’t go to the most prestigious high school, and I’m really sorry that I didn’t finish college abroad. Wow. This negro had the audacity to give me the church hug. You know the one? Like I’ve been diagnosed with flippin’ leprosy or somethin’. Nigga you must have just lost your damn mind!
But ya know what? I’m a trooper. I really am. I waved it off with a smile and this time I wasn’t hurt. I was LIVID! But I’m a pretty civil person. I didn’t turn tables over and say how silly he looked in his sweater vest and chinos. Nahhhh, I went back to my friends and called it a night. So I’m heading to my car and just as I was turning the key I hear these voices, “Oh my God, he really think he’s in. He’s such an idiot.” And bursts of laughter. I look behind me and lo and behold, it’s the Almighty Network! Well, they may not be talking about my [old] friend so I started to get in my car. But then they call his name and added on to it a really nasty nickname. So being the sissy I am, I felt bad for my friend. So I called him up and was like “Bro, these people you think are your friends really aren’t. Believe me.” And you know this douchebag had the nerve to cuss me out? Okay sucka. I hope they make you look like an even bigger ass!
Now fast forward to THIS year. I’m minding my own business. Doot doot de doot. And the phone at my desk rings.
“Hey hun, how are you?”
“Uhhhhh, hi. Who’s this?”
“Come on now Carra, this ya boy [insert name here]”
“Oh. Umm. Wow. Hi. How ya been?”
“I’ve been good man. I miss you.”
“Really? Okay. Thanks.”
“Yeah man. We really oughta do lunch one day. To catch up and stuff.”
“Oh yeah. Okay. Cool. I think.”
“Yeah. Oh by the way. I didn’t know you wrote for this magazine.”
SKERCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH! LOL. OMG! No you did NOT just go there. So ALL of a sudden we’re friends again because I write for this magazine and you think I can do “Stuff” for you now? But wait! It gets BETTER!
“Umm, yeah I do. So?”
“So maybe you can talk to the guys there. I really wanna …”
“Hold up a minute! Hold on. How long you been ingnorin’ my phone calls and text messages now allllll of a sudden we COOL and you can just ask me to do stuff for you?”
“No come on sweetheart, you know it ain like ..”
“Ain’t like what? How’s about you not call me anymore eh? Thanks and have a great day.”
Now needless to say, I do feel bad for saying that but it felt so liberating at the same time! How dare you think it’s okay to ignore me for almost 2 years and come back because you wanna use me? Flippin’ opportunist. And NO, I do NOT wanna write ANYTHING with you. And YES I know my Blog’s becoming popular but I refuse to let you in on ANY of my ideas and dreams. Didn’t need you then and I certainly don’t need you now. Douche.