We keep asking people to "let us in" not being entirely sure of what it is we're really asking of them. You may think she's always sweet and bubbly but would you still feel the same after being exposed to her insecurities? You may think he's a perfect gentleman but what happens when we get a glimpse into his abusive, unstable past? To "let someone in" is an incredibly difficult exercise. CHOOSING to make yourself vulnerable to someone else's opinions of you is HARD.

A few months ago, I met a guy. He seemed nice enough and we became good friends. Flirted every now and then. He kept asking me to let my guard down and let him see the real me. I chuckled to myself and told him, “Sweetheart, let’s keep it neutral. You’re not prepared to deal with the real Macarra.” Still, he persisted and insisted that there was more to me than maniacal, sarcastic tweets and was determined to find out more.

We talked every single day for about 6 months. And when I say every day … I MEAN every day. So being human, I began to subconsciously let my guard down and he’d always point it out with a remark like, “See, I’m getting to you. It won’t be long until I’ve seen all sides of Macarra.” Hearing this sent my poor heart into a tizzy and I tried even harder to be a little more calloused in my approach. But have you ever tried to not think about something? Don’t you think about it even more? Annoying, I know. And the more I tried to keep my guard down, the harder it became. He was a friend now. Shit, even more than that. It was almost impossible to keep him at arm’s length when he was already privy to most of my private thoughts and parts.

There would be days when sassy Macarra was kept at bay and he was now looking at the Macarra that cried when she got upset, when she was hurt or when she was annoyed. He now got to see the Macarra that was giddy and playful. The Macarra that wanted a million kisses before bed and twenty seven hugs before she left your house. The Macarra that grew up as an only child and spent many, if not all of her days drowning in a book. The Macarra that had an abusive boyfriend, a non-existent father and an overbearing but loving mother. Much more than those sarcastic tweets, huh?

As I predicted, it was too much for my good friend and I could slowly feel him slipping away. What else could I do but let him go? I was only being myself, the Macarra he practically BEGGED to see and look at what had happened. It was impossible to go back to being the Macarra he first met because she is only one facet. I was already comfortable being myself around him and now that he wanted to revert back to the “old days” I couldn’t deliver. My guard was already down. He was already let in. And I don’t think he was prepared. Just as I predicted.

So before you ask someone to “let you in” ensure that you’re willing to stick around even if you aren’t fond of what you might see. And this goes for friendships as well. You may want to be my friend because I know how to party but are you willing to be there for me when I’m not in a partying mood? When I need a shoulder to literally cry on and comforting words?

5/30/2011 15:34:14

i A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y love this post, and of all you've written and i've read.... this one really hit home with me.... thank you for posting and continue on with your gift to us....


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