This year has been good to me. No, I didn't win the lottery and I wasn't proposed to but I did find myself. It's been a long time coming and it feels so good. We have 3 more months to go and if God spares my life to see the other 3, my life experiences are only gonna make me a batter person. 

I've loved myself this year. Accepted myself. Inclusive of flaws and what others may deem shortcomingsEvery freckle, every dimple, every ounce of fat ... it is MINE. And only I can wear it this well and make it look so damn good! 

 I went against the grain. Forgot about what may be comfortable for others and did what was right for me. We spend so much of our time worrying about what may be good for others, neglecting ourselves in the process. We stay in unhealthy and sometimes abusive relationships overly concerned about what people may say. I. COULD. NOT. CARE. LESS. At night, I need to go to sleep with a clear conscience and a light heart. I have to live this life for ME. I don't get a do-over. 

 It takes a lot of energy being something someone else wants you to be. I don't know how many other ways I can say this. Please. Be yourself. God made you to be Samantha. Why are you trying to be Jennifer? She does it well enough. Perfect who you are. And if people can't appreciate that, that's okay. Not everyone is going to like you. 

I used to be a people pleaser. Always careful of what I did and said; afraid to hurt feelings and make situations uncomfortable. I live for ME. I dress the way I want. Eat what I want. Say what I want. Live the way I please. If someone doesn't like it, they can simply stay away from me. I feel as though once my actions aren't blatantly disrespectful, I don't owe anyone an apology. 

I've learned to mute the unwarranted opinions of others. Lord Jesus, this is a struggle. EVERYONE has an opinion. Myself included. Everyone's a critic, psychologist, therapist, counsellor and guru of EVERYTHING. While your criticism may be welcomed, it is not always accepted. So while you may disapprove of the man in my life or my choice of worship, I truly don't care. I can only live for me. I may let you take over on the next lap eh. Thanks.

I've learned to stop looking for love. Love is all around us. Looking for us. Let it find you. This one was the most interesting for me. A part of me gave up on love after searching so hard for it. I'd spend hours trying to improve myself for someone else. Everything I did was centered around getting the attention of a man to validate my worth. Now? Pfft. I do things for me. Sometimes I cuss and drink, I don't go to church as much as I'd like and I am NOT  a neat freak. Can't accept that? Then you can keep it moving, bro. I'm over trying to remake myself for someone and when they leave I'm disheveled and STILL unaware of who the hell Macarra really is. I know who I am and what I can bring to the table.

I hope that each of you reading this can look back and say that this year, so far, has been one for the record books. If not, you have a few more months to show up and show out! ;)
9/10/2011 19:47:33

ur words have a real soothing feel. I am a people pleaser. Sometimes it drives me crazy.

9/10/2011 19:48:04

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3/31/2012 12:18:55

Hi, Im happy for you and enjoyed reading. This is a journey Im just starting on, I am wondering if you can pass on any specific things/ideas that helped you, readings etc? Thank you


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