Well anyone that knows me, knows that I’m far from biased and I am no man-basher. Now while I’m talking to the women I NEED the men to read and notice the signs. So this blog is dedicated to my men … looking for a relationship, companionship and love. There are some women that should come with red flags … placed intricately above the start of their lacefront.
The Kept Woman
This is gonna be really short. Sweetheart, I’m gonna need you to get up off your ass and get a damn job. Why do you feel like it is the duty of this man to pay for your hair and nails? Huh? Are you serious? No cupcake. I went to McDonald’s yesterday, they had a sign on the door. Know what that sign said? “Now Hiring”. Bye.
Miss Lady-In-The-Streets … And BED?!
Ha hiiiiiiiiiiye! You name the LAST ass. This is the QUICKEST way to lose a man. Let your sex life be … DULL. All you know how to do is lay on your back? Oh. You don’t believe in oral sex? Oh. Who the HELL has sex outside of their bedrooms? Tru. You are WHACK. I’m sorry, doll. But while he does need a LADY to walk beside him in public, when nobody’s around … he needs you to tire his ass out!
But look at you, with your dual degree, your neat little pencil skirt and cardigan, so sweet and innocent. And BORING! If you squirmed a little reading this, I need you to purchase a few Zane novels. I promise your (sex) life will never be the same.
Me and Sammy have been dating for about 2 months. Everything is GREAT! I gush to my friends about how awesome he is … until I find a pair of earrings in his car. He claims that they’re his grandma’s. He had taken her to the clinic a few days ago and she must have took them out. This can be the truth. I’ve been with him and his grandma on several clinic visits. But I’m not sure. So what do I do? ASK MY FRIENDS! DUHHHH!!
PAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE! Wha gone down? Hast thou forgotten the cardinal rule?! “Allow thy friends to know only so much about thy relationship”. Well honey child, after my friends poison my mind and feed into my insecurities you can rest assured that this poor boy will be dumped. And over what? Pure speculation. I may have just missed out on the man that is PERFECT for me … listening to my (single) friends.
And the thing is, when I decide to forgive him, it’s now uncomfortable when my man and my friends are in the same room. They throw nasty looks his way and make him feel some kinda way. Then I’m stuck in the middle, trying to defend both parties.
Why do your friends need to know every intricate detail about your relationship? Good or bad. You stay right there telling her how he turns you out night after night … eventually she’s gonna get curious (and drunk) and wanna find out for herself. Leave your private business – PRIVATE!
Women need love. They need adoration and verbal praise. Sorry guys. If you have a problem saying, “Baby, I think you look absolutely stunning tonight” you’re gonna lose time and time again. Women LOVE attention. I don’t care who says what. When the object of our affection showers us with his time and kind words, chall please … we are putty in your hands. Now … some women do NOT know what it means to chill the fuck out and let the man breathe. Ine ga lie, I’m an attention hog but I’m also bipolar. This means that some days I won’t want you around me. I’ll probably call once to see if you’re alive and after that, I’m good. But SOME women … my GOD! Call the BOUNCE POLICE! Uncling this chick – STAT! Let the man BREATHE! Gee … do you think he needs to see your face every free second he has? You seem to think he doesn’t have friends, family or a damn LIFE! Give the man a chance to MISS you for crying out loud. If you feel like this is happening to you I suggest you find a hobby and QUICKLY. Join a gym, a book club, learn to crochet … do something other than make this man life HELL!
Okay Little Miss Self Sufficient. I see you. With your hard exterior. You don’t need anybody and woe to the man that tries to be a man FOR you. For what? Girl YOU GAT THIS! #StopRightThere
Now I’m not gonna lie, I’ve found myself guilty of this more than a few times. Trying so hard to be tough. Yeah. It’s my #DefenseMagnesium (LMFAO! My Twitter friends will get that one). Lol, no but seriously, it really was my defense mechanism. Be tough and if he wants you bad enough he’ll fight for you? Right. Only for so long, love lump. And after that, he is gone. Do you know how many good guys you may have pushed away trying TOO hard?
Let the man … be the MAN. (And I am still learning this). Trust him enough to let him lead. Be vulnerable. Shit, pretend like you can’t do something so that he feels like he’s really needed. I understand you wanna be independent, but don’t mind Beyonce with her Independent Woman ish, she’s bipolar. Cuz right before she was swooning talkin' shit bout “Suga Mama” she was runnin hot in “Bills, Bills, Bills”. Stop trying so hard to impress society (and your friends) by being the person they want you to be. Be the woman your man needs you to be! Ch … I felt like I was preachin to muhseff jus na!
"Give. Me. A. Mother. Facking. BREAK! Nobody CARES about your ex ... except YOU!" I know thas all you guys say in your head when this chick starts talking about her ex. It is SO annoying!
You do NOT need to hear about the shit her ex did. It’s not YOUR fault that her ex slept with her best friend. And to have to bring this shit up every friggin time you guys have an argument? Man, LOOK … I’m going to need your little girlfriend to see a therapist ASAP. Matter of fact, put this on a sticky and post it on her mirror: “Do NOT attempt to become romantically involved with ANYONE until you’ve dealt with your past issues!”
And I bet she plays the “Pity Card” too, huh? What’s the Pity Card? Okay, let’s say you and your woman have this argument and she feels kinda cornered ... she pulls the card. *cue tears* “This is exactly what my ex did! I can’t believe you’re doing it, too. I thought you loved me.”
Chall, if I was a man and my woman said that I would walk right out and leave her there looking like a fool.
Women please just grow the hell up and get the FRIG over your ex and that INCLUDES your baby daddy. The ONLY thing he should bring into your relationship is pampers and formula for your kid. Otherwise, he needs to GET TO STEPPIN’. Thanks girl!
Little Ms. Friendly
Yeah, I call her friendly cuz she’s TIGHT with everybody in the ‘hood. Your homeboys included. This girl’s been around the block more than her share of times and now she’s ready to settle. Listen to me hombre. Old habits die HARD. Sorry, but if this chick ain’t been dipped in Jesus’ blood and washed in the water from the Red Sea, chances are she ain’t changin’. Don’t waste your time. You can VERY RARELY change the hoe to the housewife … Count your losses and keep it movin’. I know she rides you like NONE other and she has tricks for every day of the year but if you’re looking for someone to seriously settle down with, she is NOT the one. So save your money and your mother’s heart and try to find a good girl … with the freaky tendencies. Tenks baby!
So, those are my 7. YES I KNOW! There are 35 more but I'm not about to sit here and write all of em out! Thanks for the comments in advance! :D
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