I've learned so much in my short 24 years on planet Earth. One of the things I've learned is: anything worth having is worth waiting for. Patience has NEVER been my strong suit. I'm a quick, get it done or I'm out kinda chick. That was my approach to life and love. That didn't work out very well for me, though. Especially with regard to the latter. I honestly used to believe in love at first sight and I would be devastated at the thought of the object of my affection not feeling the same way. I mean seriously, you're cute, I'm cute, what the hell else do you need? We can figure shit out as we go along. Right? HA! Any of you reading this, who has an ounce of sense would probably call me an ass. And I wouldn't be mad. But I grew up.
Now, I believe in spending time getting to know someone (OUTSIDE of the bedroom). Dating is essential and patience is a MUST. I've learned to keep my emotions in check and use more of my head and less of my heart. I can't say I've spared myself ANY heartache, but I've definitely saved myself a lot. I'm learning to sort through my emotions and separate admiration from lust from love. And would you believe I have not been "in love" for the YEAR?! And anybody that really knows me, knows that this is nothing short of a miracle. I am one big frigging cornball and I believe so strongly in love, you'd swear I'd never had my heart shattered.
But I saw something today and it annoyed me. GREATLY. I have a friend (using that word VERY loosely) who is a chronic dater/fall in lover. I mean give her 2 weeks with a 'cute' guy and she's in love. BBM pics change, FB profile pics change, sappy, happy, lovey tweets. I mean, really? I can see if you were a kid, but come on doll. You're 28. I'm going to need you to wake the HELL up. Not everyone you date will be the one. Some people come into your life for a season but they ALL come to teach you a lesson. People can pretend for a long time and some people pretend their entire lives, so how do you KNOW and LOVE someone after a few weeks? It just doesn't happen.
I was driving home the other day and I was thinking to myself, "Macarra why the hell are you really single? You have enough decent guys interested. You're quite the looker. (Thas me bein' vain). You're intelligent and funny. Why aren't you someone's wife?!" And one sentence came to mind: "Because you know what you want". And I swear to you I HEARD the lightbulb go off. I'm single because I KNOW WHAT I WANT. I'm selective because I KNOW WHAT I WANT. It's hard to find a man because I KNOW WHAT I WANT. It all makes sense now. I now know I won't settle for a cheap man, a cheating man, a lying man, an abusive man ... and it's HARD! NOW I see why brides and grooms cry on their wedding day. Do you know how HARD it is to find a decent man/woman to MARRY?! LAWD! #Cheapus I don't wear eyeliner or mascara on my wedding day cuz I'm gonna be a snotty MESS. Real love is not easy. And I think THAT'S what they mean when they say love is hard. It's not hard to be IN love, that's the easy part. The hard part is FINDING it.
Just some random ramblings. Peace.
You walk into Starbucks and your eyes fall on what could be the most gorgeous man you've ever met in your life. He's tall, dark and handsome. He walks with an air of confidence that just cannot be ignored. His smile melts your heart and you just wanna jump into his deep dimples. You're so enamored with this man, you completely frig your order up. And you don't even care that you're allergic to hazelnut. Yeah, he looks THAT good.
Fast forward to a few weeks later and you bump into your dream guy in the local bar/lounge. It's a Friday night and you are dressed to the nines. He waltzes over and offers to buy you a drink. You sit and talk like old friends and he reminds you of that high-waisted skirt that hugged all of your womanly curves just right. Your face heats up and sparks fly. You exchange numbers, go on a few dates and quickly fall in love. Shit's PERFECT yo!
Fast forward to about a year later. You can barely fit into that hip hugging skirt anymore and his dimples are nothing but a distant memory. What is there to smile about when his woman, whose body was the LAST Coca-Cola bottle, is now the Kool-Aid man? No ma'am. No. Friggin. Ma'am. You don't wear lingerie anymore, you don't surprise him with lunch dates, no afternoon sex, no post-it love letters left in his car ... nothing. Why, though? Has the novelty worn off? Are you just not interested? Tired? Bored? What is it? Please, learn me. :(
It's very easy to get a man, the hard part is keeping him. If you don't agree, chances are your man is about to be swiped, honey. You can't POSSIBLY believe that you're going to keep a man by doing nothing but being there. I mean, what's your purpose? Now I'm a firm believer in keeping some privileges for marriage, but suga there are some things you MUST do as a woman. Here's my top 5.
1. Keep Yourself Together
When he first met you, you were a svelte little thing, wearing only the most figure flattering attire. Your hair was always on point and he never knew what chipped nail polish looked like. Now? You MAY go to the beauty salon, you MAY throw on some chapstick if y'all are going to dinner and you MAY throw on some crocs (if you aren't tired). And to make matters worse, your man outshines you ... every single time you go out. What the hell happened, honey? Do you REALLY expect him to keep his eyes on you all night when the chick at the next table looks like you did ... last year? No boo. No. You're losing. And that chick at the next table? She's eyeing him. Closely. :( Please, here's a blank check. Fix yourself up.
2. Keep It Tight
See, y'all filthy minds already went into the gutter. (Low key, I meant that, too. Kegels never hurt nobody!) Now, I'm not saying that you're going to be a size zero forever, but how do you go from a double zero to a 14 in one year? :( I know the loving must be good but I'm going to need you to keep it cute. Literally. Make gym dates if necessary. When you go out for dinner, order a salad for an appetizer instead of Cajun wings. Skip out on those late night snacks. Do something. You can sit there and say that he loves your heart, but he can't see that. He can't get past that double chin, boo. Keep it tight.
3. Be Spontaneous
Well I guess this depends on the kind of man you have but SOME spontaneity is ALWAYS good. Be random. Call in to work (if possible) and go on a boat ride. Take a weekend excursion for no reason. Take a (special) lunch break ;). Buy some new lingerie. Man whatever it is .. DO SOMETHING. Stop being so damn BORING! Even though I don't condone cheating, this is one of the main reasons people stray. Cuz ya too damn STALE!
4. Be Wifey Material
Now I'm not saying to go out there and iron all his clothes for the week but my Lord, you SHOULD know how to do SOME things. You can't clean? You can't cook? You can't wash? Oh. Umm. You lose. That's the end. Even if you have to LEARN to cook what HE likes Imma need you to do that. How is your boyfriend a "rasta" and you don't know how to clean fish? So what you sayin' is y'all gonna go to your mom's house for dinner every Sunday? Or, he's gonna have to eat Honey Nut Cheerios for dinner? Every night?! No, honey. Feed that man. EVERYBODY knows that the way to a man's heart is through his damn stomach. TRUST. ME. Your pretty face is not enough. In addition to this, I need you to SUPPORT your man in his endeavors. He wants to start his own business? Help him create a business plan. Find locations. Prepare budgets. I'm sorry hun, but if you want to be his wife one day, you need to know that that requires WORK. If you aren't prepared to do that, then you're not prepared to be a wife.
5. Learn New Things
NOW, it's safe to take your minds into the gutter. If you and your man are sexually active, you're going to have to learn something. Buy some candles, make a naughty playlist, watch some porn, teach yourself something! Missionary sex is kinda boring and if you only have sex at home, you lose. Find some deserted beach. Rent a room. Pull the seat down in your car. DO. SOMETHING. NEW. OH! And if you can't give head, you lose. I DEAD sorry. And if you just cringed reading that, someone else is doing it to him, for you. :)
I don't know how someone expects to keep a GOOD man by doing nothing. I mean NOTHING. You need to know that your days of doing nothing as a girlfriend were left behind in high school. If you miraculously roll up on a good man, please play your role. You worked hard to get his attention now you have to work twice as hard to keep it. If you don't I can bet my life that someone else will.
Someone is ALWAYS trying to take your spot. #StepYoGameUp #KeepYoGameUp