Ever sat down in a room. In the dark. Thinking? About everything and nothing at all. Analyzing what you did that day ... what you said ... what they said ... what did they really mean? Why did she not call? Was she busy? Maybe she's seeing someone else. Maybe something happened to him. Maybe he was robbed and someone took his phone. Maybe?
The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Eff that. The mind is a terrible thing to UTILIZE. Do you know how many potential relationships, friendships and opportunities I've blown to pieces in my mind in about 10 minutes? My mind never shuts off ... always turned on. So much so I even dream about the things I think about constantly. I've been thinking about him cheating? Aight. Imma think about it .. then dream about it ... and we ALL know dreams mean something ... right? No? DAH WELL. They mean something to me. So Imma wake up the next morning and be convinced in my SPIRIT that the (possibly innocent) boy is cheating. And what happens next? We break up. Inevitable.
Meet another guy. Same thing happens. Vicious cycle, no? Yeah, I know. This has been my life for a hot minute.
Had to spend time by myself to figure out just wtf I was doing wrong. Then it hit me. I think TOO much. Now while it's good to be on your guard and be aware of situations around you ... there is such a thing as being TOO aware.
I am a very passionate chick and I am all into my feelings. When I feel ... I FEEL. Anger, sadness, joy, love ... whatever it is. I FEEL ALL OF IT. Now while that's a good thing, it can also be a very scary thing ... to the man in my life. Poor thing falls for my quick wit and charm and loves it ... but YOU let me feel something else ... like disappointment. The. Wrath. Is. Real. And I had a habit of keeping whatever I felt to myself ... out of pure fear of sounding crazy. Then the feelings would sit ... manifest ... and grow to the point where I could no longer control them and BAM! Another one bites the dust. I have but ONE solution to this, though ...
Communicate. To the SOURCE of your "problems".
I've found that talking to the person that's upset you (even if the anger is based on something your mind concocted) helps! Most of the times, you've exaggerated a situation and made a mountain out of a molehill and the person had no clue they were making you feel the way you did.
Insecurities make us vulnerable. And that's okay ... but don't allow them to consume you. Your mind/spirit/intuition is NOT always right. Soooooooo instead of using your brain ... use your mouth! Wait .... that came out wrong. :\
So this morning I went on Facebook and saw an old friend's status. She was professing her love to her man of 4 years. An outsider looking in would be overly ecstatic for this young woman. Seemingly with the man of her dreams. The perfect couple.
But I know more than most. I know of her man's wandering eye and tendency to cheat. I know of her man's late night trysts, secret BBMs and phone calls. See, I know what her heart and mind has obviously chosen to not see. I believe that every woman has some type ESP. We just KNOW when things are going contrary. We just KNOW when our man's doing something foul. We may not always be able to prove it but our women's intuition is very rarely off.
I look at her and my heart aches. I know for a fact I'm not the only one to know some of the things her perfect man is doing. Other people HAVE to know. And if other people know, how can she not? Has she chosen to ignore her gut feeling and choose "love"? Is she maybe too afraid to tarnish the "perfect" relationship she has portrayed for the public? Is she so afraid of being alone, she'd rather be with a man that may love her in public but not as much in private?
I know some of you are probably saying I should tell her about the things that I know, and usually I would. But she's one of those women. You know the type. So blinded in love, they refuse to believe any ill thing spoken of their beloved. Then they turn around and point fingers and call you spiteful and jealous. Yeah THOSE women. All I can do at this point is hope and pray that the truth is revealed before it's too late. Or will it ever happen?
She may feel like she's invested so much of herself into this man that all she can do is hope that it pays off and she's a Mrs.Worst part? He probably will marry her. Here's a woman who's stuck by him despite his unfaithfulness and still gives unrelentingly. Still provides for him, like a good woman would. He's won the jackpot, right? Doting (foolish) wife at home and time for his women on the side? Yeah. He's won all right.
I never want to be that woman. I look around all the time and see women professing their love to men that only tolerate them. As much as I'd like to be in (real) love, Lord please protect me from being so blinded by it, I can't see when I'm in love by myself. #SingleWomansPrayer
Being a woman is kinda hard. But being a single woman is even harder. Trying to differentiate between the decent men and the whores is a HASSLE. Trying to figure out if he really wants to get to know you or if he just wants to lay claim to your box is another story altogether. Then we now have the hassle of wondering if this man is only into women or if he double dips. Listen ... being single ... is NOT an easy road to trot. Seriously.
With that said, men make our single life a little more difficult just because they keep turning us off! I mean, how do you feel like you're gonna make me want you by shouting at me from across the street? Then proceeding to holler stupidities like "Oy! Gorgeous! Sexy! I wan' tap dat" ... No. Really?
Bruh, you have GOT to chill and learn how to attract and pursue a woman. Now if you just want a quick romp in the streets with some $2 dollar night at Cocktails loving hoodlum, then by all means, click that "X". This blog entry is NOT for you. If you do want to learn a few tricks and find out what makes most women tick, please feel free to read the following.
If you want to stand out to a woman, there are a few things you MUST do:
1. Be Consistent
Lord Jesus, I cannot tell you how important this is. If you can't finish something - DO NOT START IT. You wanna spoil me by bringing me a cup of my favorite Starbucks coffee to work everyday and then just STOP? WTF? You've been very consistent the past 3 months, remembering light foam, light caramel drizzle and EVERYTHING. But then ... you just stop. I mean, here I am to work WAITING for your behind to bring my coffee and nothing. Not even a phone call to say you can't do it, you just didn't show up. Now call me unrealistic, but if you start me up with something, I expect you to keep it up. If you can't keep it up, then for God's sake, don't start. I'm not saying I'm gonna write you off because of it, but you have lost a few cool points.
Tip: Start small. A cup of coffee with a muffin, once a week will suffice. Then if you wanna show off and do it more often, let it be a surprise. Don't make her expect it and then disappoint.
2. Be Persistent
Anything worth having is worth fighting for, right? Yeah? I thought so. Apparently men today have forgotten this and seem to run for the easy lay instead of fighting for the ultimate prize. Now I didn't say to make yourself look like an ass but goodness gracious, you could at LEAST try. Just because you asked me to the movies once and I politely declined doesn't mean you should give up. Now notice how I said "politely". There ARE times that I DON'T want you to ask me again and you'll know. But if I tilt my head a little and say no with a smile/blush, chances are I may consider going out with you but may be on the fence about your motives.
Tip: Y'all have GOT to know that if you see a beautiful, single woman you want to ask out - she's been asked out that day already. Don't be another face in the crowd. Make her remember you. (In a good way, though!) As a matter of fact, for all of you looking for a good movie to watch today, try Hitch. It may be fictional, but I know a few men that have learned from it. :)
3. Listen and Pay Attention
Yes women talk a lot. It's what we do. Run our mouths. Now I don't need you to remember every single word I utter, but I'd like to know that you've paid attention to something I said. If I say to you I'm allergic to peanuts, for God's sake, I expect you to remember that! And if I tell you that my favorite movie is The Lion King, I expect you to take note! How dare you plan a movie night and make peanut brittle and rent a copy of my "favorite" movie: Pretty Woman. No. You lose PLUS I may die from peanut intake. I hate you.
Tip: Listen attentively to what the woman is saying, especially if she's passionate about it. You will save yourself a lot of headache and pointless arguments if you'd just LISTEN.
4. Be Yourself
In the name of all things sacred, please. Be yourself. Don't pretend to be somebody you may think I like. Don't pretend to like things I like. I can see through it and it's annoying. Like, at first I may think, "Aww, that's cute, he's trying to impress me." But if after a few weeks you're still carbon copying my list of hobbies, we're gonna have to part ways.
Tip: Don't assume that you know what she likes before getting to know her. Just because I'm dressed in suits Monday - Friday doesn't mean I don't like to play touch football on weekends.
I bet you were expecting more. But that's it. I promise your pursuances will no longer be in vain. And even if it doesn't work out, at the very least you've not made an ass of yourself. Good luck and happy hunting! Or does that sound wrong? Dah well ... you know what I mean!