Oh my God. Absolutely. Positively. That was (maybe still is) me. My entire life. All 26 years. I love. And when I love - it's not some half assed thing. I love you. Beyond your physical. I love who you are at your very core. No matter how broken. No matter how dark and scary. I want to accept that, because I want you to know that I am for real. I do it because I want to heal you. Because in my mind, this makes me your hero. You'll look up to me. Put me on this pedestal. And love me - forever. To some it may sound crazy, and to some it may sound familiar. It's not crazy, a little delusional, but not crazy. It's just not healthy. It takes an emotional toll on you that eventually takes a physical toll on you. It can literally kill you.
I've just bought this book - Women Who Love Too Much. And HONEY, let me TELL YOU. This book punched me in the gut before I got past the doggone Preface. Tryna play therapist? Wanting to share all your self help books? Girl (read: Macarra) ... stahp. You are not that man's mother or therapist (cuz is he paying you?). It's great to want to help - but ask yourself. WHY are you doing this? To fix him? Heal him? And if so .. for what? Or for who? For you? Why? Does he even WANT you? Girl (once again read: Macarra) ... you better ...
But let me backtrack and not chastise (just in case it sounds like that). Women were trained to believe that we are just nurturing and it's our job to want to fix and heal. Yes. I agree. But to what extent? And where in these bylaws did it state that we should neglect ourselves in the process? We're women. Beautiful, fragile creatures that are to be adored and protected. But here we are, tryna protect everyone else. Can you imagine a flower trying to protect a gazelle from a lion? Pray tell .. how's that gonna pan out? Your little cute behind will be squashed in no time flat. That's exactly how it is when you try to "fix" a man. That isn't your job! Especially if you're doing it while in a relationship or in an attempt to make him "better" for you. You. Cannot. Change. Anybody. You just can't! I know all these BS romantic mushy crappy movies make it look like we can, but we CANNOT! Only God change someone - and you're not Him so ... stop. Let people steer their own course. Let them run their own race. Let them fall down, get up, fall back down, break a leg, cry, damn near die and survive. THAT'S how people grow. Not by you coddling and constantly meddling. Did someone do it for you? Chances are, no. And did you die? Nope. You're still here. The victor. So victorious even, that you wanna help everyone else.
Another thing this does? Make you feel less feminine. Then you start to expect less of men. You don't expect men to court you, anymore. You don't expect flowers or chocolates. You don't expect to be asked out on dates - because you're so strong and masculine, now. You wanna be the aggressor. Ma'am. Chill. Thanks.
Loving too much leaves you so incredibly depleted. I'm speaking from experience. Spending all this time trying to build up this man's confidence, building up his ego, his self esteem and what is he doing for you? Absolutely nothing. Wait ... maybe he is. He's putting in the bare minimum to keep you around. Doing just enough to make you think all your wok is not in vain. Please believe me when I say a man will put in the effort for someone he deems worthy. If he's not doing it for you .. well ... you get where I'm going with this. And FYI. FY-friggin-I, just because ONE man doesn't think you're worthy, doesn't mean all men think that. It also doesn't make him a bad guy, either. (We have a tendency to hate men who don't reciprocate our love. Girl. Chill. That is some self defeating shxt and you needa stop). And to be fair, how many guys have we turned down because we didn't deem them "worthy". Didn't stop them from moving on, right? Go 'head. Check his FB, IG or Twitter. Chances are he's boo'd up and much happier than your miserable self. Lol. It was a joke. Lighten up!
I'll share more as I read the book (cuz I know y'all ain't gonna buy it!).
Hope I don't get sued for infringement. Haha