Expectations.
Breeding ground for disappointment. But we cannot help it. We expect certain things to happen and when they don't ... we're upset, annoyed, disappointed. We expect that our mother will remember to call us on our birthday, we expect our significant other to be concerned if we're sick and we expect our friends to side with us in an argument. But unfortunately, not everything goes according to plan. And you have to accept that ... people WILL disappoint you. I don't care how many times you tweet "Expect less, be disappointed less", you will ALWAYS expect something. The problem comes when you can't control your reaction to being disappointed.
Because this can be a very lengthy discussion on expectations, I'll narrow it down. Expectations in dating.
When you're dating someone new there are certain things you just expect to happen. No matter how long you've known them. As a woman, if a man is pursuing you, you expect to be asked on a date. You expect some phone calls, Whatsapps, DMs. You expect him to be nice. He's trying to win you over, no?
But what happens when this doesn't happen? What happens when he calls every day ... then stops. Then starts calling every other week. What happens when he never asks you out on a date? What happens when he only ever suggests at intimacy before establishing anything with you? Do you try to show him that you're worth more than a roll in the hay? Do you question yourself and the image you portray? Or do you simply give in, give him what you THINK he wants in hopes of gaining more attention?
Sidenote: Being a single woman is not as hard as people make it out to be. Are you a little lonely when the weather drops to a cool 65 degrees at night? Sure. Do you feel a little pang when all of your friends are busy with their boyfriends and you have to stay home and paint your nails? Well, duh. But does this mean that being single is a curse? HELL NO. This is your time to focus on you. Go back to school, find a hobby, join a club. And how in the hell do you expect to meet anyone at home?!
Back to expectations. Like I said, we all have them but how high are they? Expecting LESS (as opposed to nothing) from people is a lot more doable. If he doesn't call when he said he would ... okay. Who cares? Are you going to text him 20 times and demand an explanation? For what? He may have forgotten. He may have gotten busy. Hell, he may have died! (Okay, that's extreme but not impossible!) If he doesn't ask you out on a date, are you going to question your attractiveness? Drop hints like, "Aw man, I really wanna watch this movie but I don't have any company." Girl ... no. I always tell women, a man knows JUST what to do to get and keep a woman. They only play crazy. If he wanted to take you out, he would've asked you, boo. If he didn't .. well then, maybe he just didn't want to.
The key here is to not get upset. Keep calm and relax that snatch. Women have this thing where they feel like because they're so awesome, every man will want to marry them. In reality, that's not how it works. Some men really just wanna hit and run, boo. Nothing on your part. That's just what they want. Hell, you're gorgeous. Even your dream man will initially think about having sex with you. But does this mean you should lower your standards in hopes of going on a $30 movie date? That's all you're worth? THIRTY DOLLARS?! I didn't think so.
But maybe this comes with age because the older you get, the more of a realist you become. Sugar coating days are over. You may really like this guy but he may just not be that into you. And because you've already been exposed to so much, it's almost like, "Oh well. His loss." And you keep it moving. But at 19, you try to dissect his behavior with your friends over margaritas.
Maybe he likes you TOO much.
Maybe he's going to surprise you with a candlelit dinner in the park.
Nope. He. Is. Just. Not. That. Into. You. And guess what? That's okay. I feel like sometimes this sense of entitlement comes from mothers teaching their daughters, "If you're a good woman, men will want you", so when a man doesn't want us, we question that. We wonder if we have to conform to what we THINK he wants in order to be desirable. Couldn't be further from the truth. Remain true to who you are and the right fella will eventually come along.
Breeding ground for disappointment. But we cannot help it. We expect certain things to happen and when they don't ... we're upset, annoyed, disappointed. We expect that our mother will remember to call us on our birthday, we expect our significant other to be concerned if we're sick and we expect our friends to side with us in an argument. But unfortunately, not everything goes according to plan. And you have to accept that ... people WILL disappoint you. I don't care how many times you tweet "Expect less, be disappointed less", you will ALWAYS expect something. The problem comes when you can't control your reaction to being disappointed.
Because this can be a very lengthy discussion on expectations, I'll narrow it down. Expectations in dating.
When you're dating someone new there are certain things you just expect to happen. No matter how long you've known them. As a woman, if a man is pursuing you, you expect to be asked on a date. You expect some phone calls, Whatsapps, DMs. You expect him to be nice. He's trying to win you over, no?
But what happens when this doesn't happen? What happens when he calls every day ... then stops. Then starts calling every other week. What happens when he never asks you out on a date? What happens when he only ever suggests at intimacy before establishing anything with you? Do you try to show him that you're worth more than a roll in the hay? Do you question yourself and the image you portray? Or do you simply give in, give him what you THINK he wants in hopes of gaining more attention?
Sidenote: Being a single woman is not as hard as people make it out to be. Are you a little lonely when the weather drops to a cool 65 degrees at night? Sure. Do you feel a little pang when all of your friends are busy with their boyfriends and you have to stay home and paint your nails? Well, duh. But does this mean that being single is a curse? HELL NO. This is your time to focus on you. Go back to school, find a hobby, join a club. And how in the hell do you expect to meet anyone at home?!
Back to expectations. Like I said, we all have them but how high are they? Expecting LESS (as opposed to nothing) from people is a lot more doable. If he doesn't call when he said he would ... okay. Who cares? Are you going to text him 20 times and demand an explanation? For what? He may have forgotten. He may have gotten busy. Hell, he may have died! (Okay, that's extreme but not impossible!) If he doesn't ask you out on a date, are you going to question your attractiveness? Drop hints like, "Aw man, I really wanna watch this movie but I don't have any company." Girl ... no. I always tell women, a man knows JUST what to do to get and keep a woman. They only play crazy. If he wanted to take you out, he would've asked you, boo. If he didn't .. well then, maybe he just didn't want to.
The key here is to not get upset. Keep calm and relax that snatch. Women have this thing where they feel like because they're so awesome, every man will want to marry them. In reality, that's not how it works. Some men really just wanna hit and run, boo. Nothing on your part. That's just what they want. Hell, you're gorgeous. Even your dream man will initially think about having sex with you. But does this mean you should lower your standards in hopes of going on a $30 movie date? That's all you're worth? THIRTY DOLLARS?! I didn't think so.
But maybe this comes with age because the older you get, the more of a realist you become. Sugar coating days are over. You may really like this guy but he may just not be that into you. And because you've already been exposed to so much, it's almost like, "Oh well. His loss." And you keep it moving. But at 19, you try to dissect his behavior with your friends over margaritas.
Maybe he likes you TOO much.
Maybe he's going to surprise you with a candlelit dinner in the park.
Nope. He. Is. Just. Not. That. Into. You. And guess what? That's okay. I feel like sometimes this sense of entitlement comes from mothers teaching their daughters, "If you're a good woman, men will want you", so when a man doesn't want us, we question that. We wonder if we have to conform to what we THINK he wants in order to be desirable. Couldn't be further from the truth. Remain true to who you are and the right fella will eventually come along.
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