I swear I write things talking to myself, hoping to reach someone in the process. I hate giving these out, but here’s a disclaimer: This is not directed at any one particular person. So please, in the name of my blog: Don’t. Catch. Feelings.

Such a gentleman. He’s smart and funny; very easy on the eyes. You can talk for hours on end about everything and nothing at all. You share the same goals, the same morals and beliefs. And to put the icing on top of this perfect cake; the sex is mindblowing. There’s just ONE problem. He. Is. Not. Yours.

How the hell does this happen?! How does someone so perfect for you belong to someone else? How does someone else get to open your Christmas gift and play with it before you?! What kind of sick, twisted, demented person does something like that? His girlfriend, maybe? Or perhaps, his … wife? Yeah, boo. He is not yours. And as hard as it may be, you’re gonna have to let him go.

We allow our hearts to trick us into staying in situations like this.We know that we should leave. We know he belongs to someone else. We know we won’t win. We know for a damn fact that karma is real and has no mercy. Yet, we stay.

Could it be the emotional connection? The physical? Spiritual? Whatever it is, we need to look past that and see the bigger picture. At the end of the day, you’re investing a hell of a lot of time into somebody that is not yours. It’s almost like investing all of your life’s savings into someone else’s bank account. What sense does that make? Depleting yourself and replenishing someone else?

It’s easy to be on the outside and judge:
“Why doesn’t she just leave him alone?”
“Why is she such a homewrecker?”
“She should be ashamed; she knows better”

But, who are YOU to judge? It’s easy to stand on the outside and judge, but being in the situation gives you a whole new perspective.

While we may not be able to control who we’re attracted to, we CAN control how we go about dealing with these feelings. Some just take longer to gain control of these feelings than others which CAN be disastrous. Imagine being “committed” to a man that has a girlfriend, fiancee or wife for about 2 years. Can you imagine the emotional bond they may both have together? And while some men are incredibly scummy and may be filling your head with lies about his significant other, the choice is YOURS to stay or to leave.

I know it feels right. The sparks fly. The sex is great. How could this POSSIBLY be wrong? How could you POSSIBLY be punished for being with your soulmate? How? Easily. He, no matter how perfect, is not yours. And while you may feed yourself stories like:

“Maybe I give him what his woman can’t.”
“We just have bad timing. We’re SUPPOSED to be together.”
“His woman cheats on him; he deserves better.”

When it’s all said and done …. she is his woman and you are not.  

But there really is no need to cry over spilled milk. Get the mop and clean it up. Let it dry. Start over. You CAN find someone as perfect as your unattainable man. Someone that is ALWAYS available to you. Not just between the hours of midnight and 6am, excluding his birthday and holidays. You can have this perfect man all to yourself without going to bed feeling guilty or miserable. You can have your OWN!

And think about the other woman. Probably so in love with her man. Totally oblivious to what he’s doing behind her back. As a WOMAN, how do you feel? You probably already know what it’s like to have your heart broken, would you really be okay with putting another woman through that? And do you really want to be nothing but a jump off? A thrill? A fleeting memory? You’re worth much more than that. You really are.

So let him GO. As hard as it may be. If you truly feel it’s meant to be … I PROMISE it WILL be. But try not to hold your breath in the meantime. Those kinds of stories are reserved for the fairytales. For now, work on harboring good, clean karma, being a better you and allowing the man of your dreams to sweep you off your feet. You deserve it.  

7/27/2011 07:03:48 am

I think all women have been in a position where they weren't proud of themselves as a woman. But its okay, we're all humans we all make mistakes.

And you're right its easier to judge the situation not being within it. But I think this is where our value kicks in. Because some women can walk away from that and do better for themselves, while some are stuck at always being someone's woman on the side. That's a cause of concern, because how do you ever want someone to see your worth, make you wifey if you're so happy being the side piece?

It's interesting because at the time we're thinking about our feelings, our emotions but never how the wife must feel. What this is doing to her. Yea you may not know her, and may not owe her anything, but its actions like these that assist in contributing to the fact that women tear one another down. We need to just think how we would feel if it was done to us and respect ourselves a little more and never settle for the less that some men are dishing out.

7/27/2011 08:07:28 am

wow i honestly needed to read something like this.

7/27/2011 08:13:04 am

I love it, and also agrees with Dawn, I think I am going through this right now, and I close my ears to everyone so I can just make the best decision

2/8/2012 05:10:32 am

I definitely agree. I found myself in a situation where i was the side piece ...no worse i was lower than the side piece, and the worse thing is I did not get involved in such situations. It felt horrible and degrading, but at the time i so badly needed attention. I thought this attention would make me feel wanted and better about myself. It did not it just complicated things being with someone who is with you just to pass and time and for kicks is not health for your self esteem and yes it is def BAD KARMA!!!! I ended it shortly after it started and while I am still down about the whole ordeal I'm working my way to a stronger better me


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