The topic of marriage came up on Twitter today thanks to Mr. Cloud10LV (check his blog here: Now, a lot of people had their opinions and most of them I agreed with.

I'll share my views. I agree that marriage is sacred, holy, ordained by God and all the stuff we're taught in church. But is marriage for EVERYBODY? I certainly don't think so. While marriage is taught as being the holiest union, some people are just not cut out for it. Marriage is WORK. Honorable work, but work nonetheless. You have to be willing to give and take, compromise, be submissive, choose your battles, know when to shut up and when to run hot. See I'm not married so I can only assume that  marriage is like an exclusive relationship on steroids. And in my honest opinion, NOTHING prepares you for it. You can go to all the marriage counselling in the world and still be slapped with hurdle after hurdle. 

Are you REALLY prepared to wake up to her greasy, morning face sans the pretty makeup and weave? And are you REALLY going to just LOVE the way he stretches and farts when he wakes up .. right in FRONT of the fan? He's a neat freak, she cleans when she feels like it. He likes red meat, she'd like him to cut it out of his diet. These things may sound trivial but please believe me when I say I HAVE WITNESSED these seemingly trivial things drive both parties to the nearest divorce court. 

Divorce rates are higher than they've been in years. And I think I know the number one reason why. Society. Yes, I am blaming YOU. You know how many people I've seen walk up the aisle, not because they felt ready, but because they'd spent the "required" amount of time together? "YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR FIVE YEARS?! You GATA marry her!" Seriously, who are you to tell me who to marry and when? Just because two people have been together for a few years, does NOT mean that they are ready to make that lifetime commitment. They may have been together all through high school and college but do you know how much growing up, maturing and straight up CHANGING happens? Your tastes and morals may have changed so much that you begin to wonder why you even started dating this person to begin with. And I don't think there is a thing wrong with that. 

Another thing I wanna say and I'm kinda on the fence about this myself: Shacking up. We've been brought up to believe that "shacking up" (a couple living together without being married) is a sin and is simply immoral. While I kinda agree (basing that solely on my Baptist upbringing), I also disagree (my more liberal side). In all honesty, a big part of me wants to live with someone BEFORE we make the step to get married cuz I wanna see if I can actually do it. But I've been taught the whole, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" thing. In other words: "If you're already living and sleeping together why waste time getting married? It's the same thing." Yeah, I'm gonna leave that alone cuz I'm one big walking contradiction on that one. 

But yeah, marriage is NOT for everybody. Some people are simply meant to be alone. And I STRONGLY believe that. And I think they're okay with that, too. And some people are fine with "shacking up". They don't need marriage to validate their relationship. But here's what some of my followers (and people I follow) had to say:

- I mean I was 20 with this one chick for almost 3 years and niggas were expecting marriage. NO I was not in the place mentally or maturely
- Like its ok NOT to have this ulterior motive going into EVERY relationship that you will be getting married, now the older you get..
- Niggas and chicks just be wanting some companionship for the interim and sometimes you just KNOW it won't be a marriage deal.

- Some people don't get married at all and are content sharing their lives together.
- Marriage isn't the holy grail.

KheliAshlee:- Just because you're together for some time does not mean you should get married when people think you should.
- And I don't see the big deal with "shacking" up either. I have to live with you before we make that step.

Vanillash:- Personally, I only form relationships with someone who I can see myself with long-term.
- I guess for property and financial purposes, it would be easier to get a lot done with a marriage certificate and shared assets.

Gaily58:Bey I sure adam and eve een had a beach wedding with the reception at marios @GrierMunro but they mutually decided I fa u and u fa me!
9/14/2011 01:39:42 am

Excellent points, as usual!

I'd have to say that my father said it best when he said that "Marriage is a place where after you've found out every thing you hate about the person, you still can look past that and share a life with them. While your mother annoys the $@#$ out of me sometimes, I have to remember that I DO IT TO HER AS WELL. We happened to be lucky enough to be mature enough to look past those annoyances and arguments and realize that life would not be the same without one another in it."

That's 25 years of knowledge, son.

9/14/2011 02:16:40 am

Marriage was an option for our 1930s females where our place was to have the children, take care of house and home and cook and clean. Women now have the option of working for themselves, and in fact, doing everything for themselves. We can wait longer to get married, or have children as we determine what we want out of life. Be it career-wise, family, travel, etc.
Back in the day (so i've heard) a man would build a house for himself and his wife, and provide for her. It is now more common to hear about a woman getting a mortgage or buying a home for herself, rather than relying on marriage for it.
Reasons for marriage have changed and society refuses to catch up.
Getting married cause you've been together for so long is retarded (as you mentioned) when people in fact grow and change. Society sees marriage as a goal that must be met - I have a (just under) 40-yr-old coworker with no kids and no husband, and she is practically considered a leper because of this.
If my prince comes along and wants to get married then so be it. Til then... Anyway, I running on so... :D


9/14/2011 02:43:37 am

While I agree with everything you said, I can't help but to notice how well-written this article was, especially for a blog produced this morning! Grammar ASS.

But the only thing that really stands out for me is the "shacking" up notion... it's definitely not my cup of tea, simply because it makes room for a lot of gray areas and can lead to a lot of "issues", namely children, which bring problems of their own for an unmarried couple due to the finances needed to take care of them.

HOWEVER, I am still deciding whether I would like to live with my fiance for a few months (3-6) before our wedding ceremony to see how he is... because you truly DO NOT know a person until you live with them AND being the particular person that I am, I can't just live with anyone. I get annoyed too easily.


9/14/2011 02:51:10 am

*pass :)

9/14/2011 09:09:44 am

Cool post.
On that shacking up note, studies show that couples that live together pre-wedding have higher divorce rates than those that don't.

So much for "knowing a person before you marry them."

And you are right. Marriage ISN'T for everyone. And the more that people understand this the less divorce and heartache we'll have.

9/14/2011 09:59:21 am


Great topic. Now I'll say this, I'm not sure I agree with the whole notion that society is to blame. Because how many people turn away from society? I blame the women, a wedding is a woman's dream, there's nothing in a wedding for a man. We want it all, and they give us this. Sometimes we force men that we know are not ready, men that we know are unfaithful etc to be with us just for a show. That is where I give us wrong.

Marriages, weddings ain't for everyone. I agree, some people just aren't meant to be together and that's okay. But for the people that it's for, the people who love each other just as God loves the church etc etc, it is for. I'm a product of 26 years and happy in love and I want that for myself.

Now on the case of shacking up, I've been there done that. It allowed me to live with someone and experience them like I hadn't before. I'm single so I can tell you how it worked out. People say it's wrong, but so is fornication, smoking and drinking and how many of us still do that? I believe in experiencing and living for yourself. People are going to tell you how to live your life but it's up to you to decide how you're going to live it.

Like M'Khel said she has to live with someone before she marries them. Good, I think its a good idea, it'll certainly stop the divorce rate from increasing.

Sam I Am
9/15/2011 01:06:45 am

Firstly, I love reading your blogs and I've been meaning to respond to one for a while. I appreciate everything you said but i guess times have really changed.
Call me old fashioned but i do not support "shacking up". If i give you all of me now , what exactly is the point of us getting married? Pardon me for being raunchy, but when i dun feed ya', juice ya', iron ya' clothes and clean ya' apartment, what else is there to distinguish gf from wife? Papers? (yes i know marriage is more than that but those are major perks for the man and he needs to make sure my position is secure if he plans on locking down those benefits). I'm afraid shacking up causes men to become too comfortable with a woman's presence and he begins to take her for granted. Get ya own space and make the man miss you sometimes. You need to have a life outside of him.

I'm not some crazy fundamentalist Christian who believes the role of the woman is the home btw. I totally endorse empowering women to make their own decisions. But, I'm a 26 yr old virgin, postgraduate student. Marriage is a sacred union and i see sex the same way, thus the wait. I'll be damned if i waited this long to just "shack up".
I put it to you that the reason marriages fail is because people fail. For whatever reason they fail, they do. Living together will not change that. Seek God and allow him to guide your decision making. That's my plan at least.
Keep the blogs coming. :)

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1/27/2012 09:51:36 pm

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