Someone asked the question a few days ago: Is it harder for a man to find a good woman or vice versa? I stared at the question for a good minute before I responded. I said: It will ALWAYS be harder to find a good man, than it is to find a good woman.
Let me just clarify what I consider a "good man". A man who's faithful, takes care of him and his own, is not abusive (in any form), appreciates a woman for all she is and all that jazz. Nobody's looking for perfection, because not only is it impossible and unattainable, it's boring as hell. And I only pointed out the core things because attributes like personality, sex and good looks are all relative.
Now before the guys smash my head in, I'm not saying most men are bad, but the vast majority of men run through a plethora of women before they even DREAM of settling down with one woman for the rest of his life. Does that mean he is incapable of being a good man? No. I just think more men stick to the old belief that a man must "rid himself" of his demons before settling down. (Absolute and pure BS to me, but whatever). And I am CERTAINLY not saying that all women are good cuz ..... Honey. No.
I said something yesterday and I was accused of being nonsensical. I said "Most women are exactly the same." And I truly believe we are. Now when I say the same, I'm obviously not saying that all of us are carbon copies of each other. But at our very inner core, we all want to do the SAME things. Be a good wife and good mother; viewed as special and sacred to one man. We can't help that. We were born with both a maternal instinct and a craving for love, adoration and affection. If you can sit here and tell me that this is NOT what you want, you are either lying or a very rare breed. Not to say that is all we want out of life (for you independent sisters out there) but at the very end of the day, this is what matters the most.
Some "scientific" findings claim that women can almost always tell if they're going to have sex with a man. And I kinda agree. If he passes our physical test, then chances are he can get the nook. But when it comes to wanting to marry a man, I give a woman about 3-6 months. Men please believe that if a woman's been with you for about 6 months, she's imagined what it would be like to be married to you. Women can sit there and call me crazy but I'm being real. I know I've sure as hell done it. Do all men pass the test? Hell to the no. But some do. And our minds are so complex and downright effed up, a part of us begins to treat this man like he IS our husband.
All of a sudden you wanna cook and clean for him, be his therapist, wash his clothes, give him massages. Why? Because we want to PROVE to our imaginary husband, that we can be his real life wife. We wanna prove that we're different and can change his life. We wanna prove that we're the reason your ex didn't last. We. Always. Want. To. Prove. We may all not do it at the same time and not in the same ways but we always want to prove that we're worth loving. And in most cases, wind up spoiling a man who doesn't even deserve it. And men nowadays are smart. They know that most women think like this and they capitalize on it. So they'll sell you dreams and tell you exactly what you wanna hear to get all this "free love". And when they get bored, they leave. Knowing that this is what most women do, they think it's going to be easy to find another woman waiting and willing to cater to him.
Why do you think so many men are going back to school and getting that degree? To make more money. Duh! Because this makes him look like a "good man". And why do you think so many men are playing up the Nice Guy Card? Because it works! Think about it: He's educated, polite, respectable, has a good job, nice car AND has money in the bank? Definitely a catch. Not because that's all women want but because those kinds of men are so hard to find!
Women will forever lose. Until we learn to control our emotions. I'm no love doctor, nor am I a clinical therapist/psychologist or whatever, but I DO know that the one that cares the least is HURT the least. I'm not saying you shouldn't care either, but try to keep that mess under wraps. (Something I'm still teaching myself). When you feel tempted to send that mushy BBM/Text/WhatsApp/DM/IM ... please. PLEASE! Put the smartphone AWAY, go to sleep, call a friend, go out, eat, bathe, shower, shave ... see where I'm going with this? Distract yourself. Especially if the man barely invests in you, what you're investing in him.
Women also have this thing where they have to showboat their new man to his ex. Gloat in her face and say dumb things like, "THIS is how you keep a man." You are so dumb. You may have just been lucky. (If he doesn't kick you in the behind, too).Who's to say that she wasn't doing exactly what you are and then some? There's something called timing. And for a man, this is more important than love in some instances. If a man is still struggling, or in school, doesn't have a car, his own place or his dream job, chances are he does NOT want to settle down with you. Not because you're not a good woman but because in his mind, he is nowhere near ready to take care of himself, much less a woman. And what kind of man wants to marry a woman that's going to have to take care of him? How many times have you seen a man date a woman for 5-6 years and never hint at marriage but meet another woman, possibly weeks later and marry her within a year? A man has to be comfortable in his own life before he brings someone else into it.
I feel like I'm running on so I'll stop here and end with this: Stop allowing what we WANT a man to be, blind us from seeing who he really is. Love yourself enough to guard your heart. Not everyone is deserving.
So a friend and I were talking about Drake's new album: Take Care. He thought it was a great R&B album and a horrible rap album. We joked around and called Drake a 'simper' because that's all he's been doing lately. But I can appreciate a man in touch with that side of himself. Drake has obviously been heartbroken and has no problem sharing that with the world (and make a few millions at the same time). My friend pretty much brushed it off and concluded that he couldn't absolutely love the album because he couldn't relate. My friend has never been heartbroken.
At first, I was like 'This is a lucky dude.' Then I started to think some more. Is heartbreak really such a bad thing? I changed my mind. I think it's the best thing you could ever go through ... ONCE.
Heartbreak is such a beautifully painful experience. Obviously, going through hurts like all living hell. The sleepless nights. Puffy eyes. That nauseating feeling in your stomach every time you think of your lover in the arms of someone else. Shit sucks, yo! But good God didn't it make you a stronger lover? A stronger wife? Husband? Person?
To have the one person you entrusted your heart to just up and leave you? To have your confidante, your best friend and lover tell you they don't care anymore? To cry and beg them to love you back just to be shut down with the coldest eyes? HEARTBREAK IS SO RETROSPECT-FULLY BEAUTIFUL. When you feel this, this means you invested so much. Loved so hard. Gave so willingly. You LOVED.
Could you imagine being with someone, investing so much of yourself, your heart, your future with someone with a lackadaisical approach to love? So relaxed. Methodical. Logical. There is no logic in love. NONE. NONE! If you can sit down and give me logistics of why you're with someone, chances are Y'ALL WON'T LAST. Judge me. Ine care. I wanna be with someone and when someone asks me, 'Why are y'all together?" .. I want my only answer to be, "Because we love each other." That's it. Not because he's cute or funny or is handsome ... I just love him. And I can't fully explain it.
Call me crazy but I'd like to be with someone who's been heartbroken. Who doesn't look at love through rose colored glasses. I want someone who'll fight tooth and nail to keep me because they refuse to be heartbroken again. I want that strong love. Crazy love? Maybe so. But I don't want the basic fairy tale. Sheltered princess meets Prince Charming and they live and love happily ever after. Keep it. I want the man who's been hurt like all hell. Because I know he is capable of loving someone with all their heart. Mind. Body. Soul. Someone who loves like me.
I gata go ... can't talk about this much longer or I'll get way too emotional. But one of my favorite Lady Gaga quotes sums this entire thing up: "I want the deepest, darkest, sickest parts of you that you are afraid to share with anyone - Because I love you that much."
Ever sat down in a room. In the dark. Thinking? About everything and nothing at all. Analyzing what you did that day ... what you said ... what they said ... what did they really mean? Why did she not call? Was she busy? Maybe she's seeing someone else. Maybe something happened to him. Maybe he was robbed and someone took his phone. Maybe?
The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Eff that. The mind is a terrible thing to UTILIZE. Do you know how many potential relationships, friendships and opportunities I've blown to pieces in my mind in about 10 minutes? My mind never shuts off ... always turned on. So much so I even dream about the things I think about constantly. I've been thinking about him cheating? Aight. Imma think about it .. then dream about it ... and we ALL know dreams mean something ... right? No? DAH WELL. They mean something to me. So Imma wake up the next morning and be convinced in my SPIRIT that the (possibly innocent) boy is cheating. And what happens next? We break up. Inevitable.
Meet another guy. Same thing happens. Vicious cycle, no? Yeah, I know. This has been my life for a hot minute.
Had to spend time by myself to figure out just wtf I was doing wrong. Then it hit me. I think TOO much. Now while it's good to be on your guard and be aware of situations around you ... there is such a thing as being TOO aware.
I am a very passionate chick and I am all into my feelings. When I feel ... I FEEL. Anger, sadness, joy, love ... whatever it is. I FEEL ALL OF IT. Now while that's a good thing, it can also be a very scary thing ... to the man in my life. Poor thing falls for my quick wit and charm and loves it ... but YOU let me feel something else ... like disappointment. The. Wrath. Is. Real. And I had a habit of keeping whatever I felt to myself ... out of pure fear of sounding crazy. Then the feelings would sit ... manifest ... and grow to the point where I could no longer control them and BAM! Another one bites the dust. I have but ONE solution to this, though ...
Communicate. To the SOURCE of your "problems".
I've found that talking to the person that's upset you (even if the anger is based on something your mind concocted) helps! Most of the times, you've exaggerated a situation and made a mountain out of a molehill and the person had no clue they were making you feel the way you did.
Insecurities make us vulnerable. And that's okay ... but don't allow them to consume you. Your mind/spirit/intuition is NOT always right. Soooooooo instead of using your brain ... use your mouth! Wait .... that came out wrong. :\
So this morning I went on Facebook and saw an old friend's status. She was professing her love to her man of 4 years. An outsider looking in would be overly ecstatic for this young woman. Seemingly with the man of her dreams. The perfect couple.
But I know more than most. I know of her man's wandering eye and tendency to cheat. I know of her man's late night trysts, secret BBMs and phone calls. See, I know what her heart and mind has obviously chosen to not see. I believe that every woman has some type ESP. We just KNOW when things are going contrary. We just KNOW when our man's doing something foul. We may not always be able to prove it but our women's intuition is very rarely off.
I look at her and my heart aches. I know for a fact I'm not the only one to know some of the things her perfect man is doing. Other people HAVE to know. And if other people know, how can she not? Has she chosen to ignore her gut feeling and choose "love"? Is she maybe too afraid to tarnish the "perfect" relationship she has portrayed for the public? Is she so afraid of being alone, she'd rather be with a man that may love her in public but not as much in private?
I know some of you are probably saying I should tell her about the things that I know, and usually I would. But she's one of those women. You know the type. So blinded in love, they refuse to believe any ill thing spoken of their beloved. Then they turn around and point fingers and call you spiteful and jealous. Yeah THOSE women. All I can do at this point is hope and pray that the truth is revealed before it's too late. Or will it ever happen?
She may feel like she's invested so much of herself into this man that all she can do is hope that it pays off and she's a Mrs.Worst part? He probably will marry her. Here's a woman who's stuck by him despite his unfaithfulness and still gives unrelentingly. Still provides for him, like a good woman would. He's won the jackpot, right? Doting (foolish) wife at home and time for his women on the side? Yeah. He's won all right.
I never want to be that woman. I look around all the time and see women professing their love to men that only tolerate them. As much as I'd like to be in (real) love, Lord please protect me from being so blinded by it, I can't see when I'm in love by myself. #SingleWomansPrayer
Being a woman is kinda hard. But being a single woman is even harder. Trying to differentiate between the decent men and the whores is a HASSLE. Trying to figure out if he really wants to get to know you or if he just wants to lay claim to your box is another story altogether. Then we now have the hassle of wondering if this man is only into women or if he double dips. Listen ... being single ... is NOT an easy road to trot. Seriously.
With that said, men make our single life a little more difficult just because they keep turning us off! I mean, how do you feel like you're gonna make me want you by shouting at me from across the street? Then proceeding to holler stupidities like "Oy! Gorgeous! Sexy! I wan' tap dat" ... No. Really?
Bruh, you have GOT to chill and learn how to attract and pursue a woman. Now if you just want a quick romp in the streets with some $2 dollar night at Cocktails loving hoodlum, then by all means, click that "X". This blog entry is NOT for you. If you do want to learn a few tricks and find out what makes most women tick, please feel free to read the following.
If you want to stand out to a woman, there are a few things you MUST do:
1. Be Consistent
Lord Jesus, I cannot tell you how important this is. If you can't finish something - DO NOT START IT. You wanna spoil me by bringing me a cup of my favorite Starbucks coffee to work everyday and then just STOP? WTF? You've been very consistent the past 3 months, remembering light foam, light caramel drizzle and EVERYTHING. But then ... you just stop. I mean, here I am to work WAITING for your behind to bring my coffee and nothing. Not even a phone call to say you can't do it, you just didn't show up. Now call me unrealistic, but if you start me up with something, I expect you to keep it up. If you can't keep it up, then for God's sake, don't start. I'm not saying I'm gonna write you off because of it, but you have lost a few cool points.
Tip: Start small. A cup of coffee with a muffin, once a week will suffice. Then if you wanna show off and do it more often, let it be a surprise. Don't make her expect it and then disappoint.
2. Be Persistent
Anything worth having is worth fighting for, right? Yeah? I thought so. Apparently men today have forgotten this and seem to run for the easy lay instead of fighting for the ultimate prize. Now I didn't say to make yourself look like an ass but goodness gracious, you could at LEAST try. Just because you asked me to the movies once and I politely declined doesn't mean you should give up. Now notice how I said "politely". There ARE times that I DON'T want you to ask me again and you'll know. But if I tilt my head a little and say no with a smile/blush, chances are I may consider going out with you but may be on the fence about your motives.
Tip: Y'all have GOT to know that if you see a beautiful, single woman you want to ask out - she's been asked out that day already. Don't be another face in the crowd. Make her remember you. (In a good way, though!) As a matter of fact, for all of you looking for a good movie to watch today, try Hitch. It may be fictional, but I know a few men that have learned from it. :)
3. Listen and Pay Attention
Yes women talk a lot. It's what we do. Run our mouths. Now I don't need you to remember every single word I utter, but I'd like to know that you've paid attention to something I said. If I say to you I'm allergic to peanuts, for God's sake, I expect you to remember that! And if I tell you that my favorite movie is The Lion King, I expect you to take note! How dare you plan a movie night and make peanut brittle and rent a copy of my "favorite" movie: Pretty Woman. No. You lose PLUS I may die from peanut intake. I hate you.
Tip: Listen attentively to what the woman is saying, especially if she's passionate about it. You will save yourself a lot of headache and pointless arguments if you'd just LISTEN.
4. Be Yourself
In the name of all things sacred, please. Be yourself. Don't pretend to be somebody you may think I like. Don't pretend to like things I like. I can see through it and it's annoying. Like, at first I may think, "Aww, that's cute, he's trying to impress me." But if after a few weeks you're still carbon copying my list of hobbies, we're gonna have to part ways.
Tip: Don't assume that you know what she likes before getting to know her. Just because I'm dressed in suits Monday - Friday doesn't mean I don't like to play touch football on weekends.
I bet you were expecting more. But that's it. I promise your pursuances will no longer be in vain. And even if it doesn't work out, at the very least you've not made an ass of yourself. Good luck and happy hunting! Or does that sound wrong? Dah well ... you know what I mean!
The topic of marriage came up on Twitter today thanks to Mr. Cloud10LV (check his blog here: http://cloud10lv.blogspot.com/
). Now, a lot of people had their opinions and most of them I agreed with.
I'll share my views. I agree that marriage is sacred, holy, ordained by God and all the stuff we're taught in church. But is marriage for EVERYBODY? I certainly don't think so. While marriage is taught as being the holiest union, some people are just not cut out for it. Marriage is WORK. Honorable work, but work nonetheless. You have to be willing to give and take, compromise, be submissive, choose your battles, know when to shut up and when to run hot. See I'm not married so I can only assume that marriage is like an exclusive relationship on steroids. And in my honest opinion, NOTHING prepares you for it. You can go to all the marriage counselling in the world and still be slapped with hurdle after hurdle.
Are you REALLY prepared to wake up to her greasy, morning face sans the pretty makeup and weave? And are you REALLY going to just LOVE the way he stretches and farts when he wakes up .. right in FRONT of the fan? He's a neat freak, she cleans when she feels like it. He likes red meat, she'd like him to cut it out of his diet. These things may sound trivial but please believe me when I say I HAVE WITNESSED these seemingly trivial things drive both parties to the nearest divorce court.
Divorce rates are higher than they've been in years. And I think I know the number one reason why. Society. Yes, I am blaming YOU. You know how many people I've seen walk up the aisle, not because they felt ready, but because they'd spent the "required" amount of time together? "YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR FIVE YEARS?! You GATA marry her!" Seriously, who are you to tell me who to marry and when? Just because two people have been together for a few years, does NOT mean that they are ready to make that lifetime commitment. They may have been together all through high school and college but do you know how much growing up, maturing and straight up CHANGING happens? Your tastes and morals may have changed so much that you begin to wonder why you even started dating this person to begin with. And I don't think there is a thing wrong with that.
Another thing I wanna say and I'm kinda on the fence about this myself: Shacking up. We've been brought up to believe that "shacking up" (a couple living together without being married) is a sin and is simply immoral. While I kinda agree (basing that solely on my Baptist upbringing), I also disagree (my more liberal side). In all honesty, a big part of me wants to live with someone BEFORE we make the step to get married cuz I wanna see if I can actually do it. But I've been taught the whole, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" thing. In other words: "If you're already living and sleeping together why waste time getting married? It's the same thing." Yeah, I'm gonna leave that alone cuz I'm one big walking contradiction on that one.
But yeah, marriage is NOT for everybody. Some people are simply meant to be alone. And I STRONGLY believe that. And I think they're okay with that, too. And some people are fine with "shacking up". They don't need marriage to validate their relationship. But here's what some of my followers (and people I follow) had to say:
- I mean I was 20 with this one chick for almost 3 years and niggas were expecting marriage. NO I was not in the place mentally or maturely
- Like its ok NOT to have this ulterior motive going into EVERY relationship that you will be getting married, now the older you get..
- Niggas and chicks just be wanting some companionship for the interim and sometimes you just KNOW it won't be a marriage deal.
- Some people don't get married at all and are content sharing their lives together.
- Marriage isn't the holy grail.
KheliAshlee:- Just because you're together for some time does not mean you should get married when people think you should.
- And I don't see the big deal with "shacking" up either. I have to live with you before we make that step.
Vanillash:- Personally, I only form relationships with someone who I can see myself with long-term.
- I guess for property and financial purposes, it would be easier to get a lot done with a marriage certificate and shared assets.
Gaily58:Bey I sure adam and eve een had a beach wedding with the reception at marios @GrierMunro
but they mutually decided I fa u and u fa me!
So I saw this tweet today: "No matter how much of a win you think your girl is, there's always someone better". Man I can't even tell you how far this made my head twist.
I consider myself to be a realist. I say things as I see 'em, even if I have to make myself uncomfortable. But lemme break this down for my confused and misled fellow Twitterian: There will ALWAYS be a prettier woman, a sexier woman, a smarter woman and a more intellectual woman than the one you have but would you consider that "winning" if you don't LOVE her? And do any of these attributes necessarily means she's BETTER than your girl? See cuz she could be prettier but not as thoughtful as your woman. She could be more intellectual but not as compassionate as your woman. She may have a nicer body but her priorities may be screwed the HELL up.
I consider a "win" finding the woman or man that makes you smile for no reason, uplifts you when you're at your lowest and finds beauty in your self-proclaimed flaws. When you begin to base your "winnings" on superficialities is when you begin to lose. And when you begin to spend time analyzing another woman long enough to validate her worth, you're losing the battle. Staying faithful is already a real challenge for some people so to spend valuable time that could be attributed to creating a more peaceful and beautiful union, lusting over someone else is pretty silly.
And ANOTHER thing. You wanna talk about finding a "better" woman and how someone's always better ...do you know the SAME can be said about men? What's so great about you until you think you can pass such judgement and make such statements? How old are you? Do you still live at home? How many investments have you made? How many mortgage payments have you made? Hmm? Just sit back and think about these things for me please.
But seriously, how green do you need your grass to be? You want the perfect woman? Well know that perfect ain't real ... and real ain't perfect. That will be all.
I've learned so much in my short 24 years on planet Earth. One of the things I've learned is: anything worth having is worth waiting for. Patience has NEVER been my strong suit. I'm a quick, get it done or I'm out kinda chick. That was my approach to life and love. That didn't work out very well for me, though. Especially with regard to the latter. I honestly used to believe in love at first sight and I would be devastated at the thought of the object of my affection not feeling the same way. I mean seriously, you're cute, I'm cute, what the hell else do you need? We can figure shit out as we go along. Right? HA! Any of you reading this, who has an ounce of sense would probably call me an ass. And I wouldn't be mad. But I grew up.
Now, I believe in spending time getting to know someone (OUTSIDE of the bedroom). Dating is essential and patience is a MUST. I've learned to keep my emotions in check and use more of my head and less of my heart. I can't say I've spared myself ANY heartache, but I've definitely saved myself a lot. I'm learning to sort through my emotions and separate admiration from lust from love. And would you believe I have not been "in love" for the YEAR?! And anybody that really knows me, knows that this is nothing short of a miracle. I am one big frigging cornball and I believe so strongly in love, you'd swear I'd never had my heart shattered.
But I saw something today and it annoyed me. GREATLY. I have a friend (using that word VERY loosely) who is a chronic dater/fall in lover. I mean give her 2 weeks with a 'cute' guy and she's in love. BBM pics change, FB profile pics change, sappy, happy, lovey tweets. I mean, really? I can see if you were a kid, but come on doll. You're 28. I'm going to need you to wake the HELL up. Not everyone you date will be the one. Some people come into your life for a season but they ALL come to teach you a lesson. People can pretend for a long time and some people pretend their entire lives, so how do you KNOW and LOVE someone after a few weeks? It just doesn't happen.
I was driving home the other day and I was thinking to myself, "Macarra why the hell are you really single? You have enough decent guys interested. You're quite the looker. (Thas me bein' vain). You're intelligent and funny. Why aren't you someone's wife?!" And one sentence came to mind: "Because you know what you want". And I swear to you I HEARD the lightbulb go off. I'm single because I KNOW WHAT I WANT. I'm selective because I KNOW WHAT I WANT. It's hard to find a man because I KNOW WHAT I WANT. It all makes sense now. I now know I won't settle for a cheap man, a cheating man, a lying man, an abusive man ... and it's HARD! NOW I see why brides and grooms cry on their wedding day. Do you know how HARD it is to find a decent man/woman to MARRY?! LAWD! #Cheapus I don't wear eyeliner or mascara on my wedding day cuz I'm gonna be a snotty MESS. Real love is not easy. And I think THAT'S what they mean when they say love is hard. It's not hard to be IN love, that's the easy part. The hard part is FINDING it.
Just some random ramblings. Peace.
You walk into Starbucks and your eyes fall on what could be the most gorgeous man you've ever met in your life. He's tall, dark and handsome. He walks with an air of confidence that just cannot be ignored. His smile melts your heart and you just wanna jump into his deep dimples. You're so enamored with this man, you completely frig your order up. And you don't even care that you're allergic to hazelnut. Yeah, he looks THAT good.
Fast forward to a few weeks later and you bump into your dream guy in the local bar/lounge. It's a Friday night and you are dressed to the nines. He waltzes over and offers to buy you a drink. You sit and talk like old friends and he reminds you of that high-waisted skirt that hugged all of your womanly curves just right. Your face heats up and sparks fly. You exchange numbers, go on a few dates and quickly fall in love. Shit's PERFECT yo!
Fast forward to about a year later. You can barely fit into that hip hugging skirt anymore and his dimples are nothing but a distant memory. What is there to smile about when his woman, whose body was the LAST Coca-Cola bottle, is now the Kool-Aid man? No ma'am. No. Friggin. Ma'am. You don't wear lingerie anymore, you don't surprise him with lunch dates, no afternoon sex, no post-it love letters left in his car ... nothing. Why, though? Has the novelty worn off? Are you just not interested? Tired? Bored? What is it? Please, learn me. :(
It's very easy to get a man, the hard part is keeping him. If you don't agree, chances are your man is about to be swiped, honey. You can't POSSIBLY believe that you're going to keep a man by doing nothing but being there. I mean, what's your purpose? Now I'm a firm believer in keeping some privileges for marriage, but suga there are some things you MUST do as a woman. Here's my top 5.
1. Keep Yourself Together
When he first met you, you were a svelte little thing, wearing only the most figure flattering attire. Your hair was always on point and he never knew what chipped nail polish looked like. Now? You MAY go to the beauty salon, you MAY throw on some chapstick if y'all are going to dinner and you MAY throw on some crocs (if you aren't tired). And to make matters worse, your man outshines you ... every single time you go out. What the hell happened, honey? Do you REALLY expect him to keep his eyes on you all night when the chick at the next table looks like you did ... last year? No boo. No. You're losing. And that chick at the next table? She's eyeing him. Closely. :( Please, here's a blank check. Fix yourself up.
2. Keep It Tight
See, y'all filthy minds already went into the gutter. (Low key, I meant that, too. Kegels never hurt nobody!) Now, I'm not saying that you're going to be a size zero forever, but how do you go from a double zero to a 14 in one year? :( I know the loving must be good but I'm going to need you to keep it cute. Literally. Make gym dates if necessary. When you go out for dinner, order a salad for an appetizer instead of Cajun wings. Skip out on those late night snacks. Do something. You can sit there and say that he loves your heart, but he can't see that. He can't get past that double chin, boo. Keep it tight.
3. Be Spontaneous
Well I guess this depends on the kind of man you have but SOME spontaneity is ALWAYS good. Be random. Call in to work (if possible) and go on a boat ride. Take a weekend excursion for no reason. Take a (special) lunch break ;). Buy some new lingerie. Man whatever it is .. DO SOMETHING. Stop being so damn BORING! Even though I don't condone cheating, this is one of the main reasons people stray. Cuz ya too damn STALE!
4. Be Wifey Material
Now I'm not saying to go out there and iron all his clothes for the week but my Lord, you SHOULD know how to do SOME things. You can't clean? You can't cook? You can't wash? Oh. Umm. You lose. That's the end. Even if you have to LEARN to cook what HE likes Imma need you to do that. How is your boyfriend a "rasta" and you don't know how to clean fish? So what you sayin' is y'all gonna go to your mom's house for dinner every Sunday? Or, he's gonna have to eat Honey Nut Cheerios for dinner? Every night?! No, honey. Feed that man. EVERYBODY knows that the way to a man's heart is through his damn stomach. TRUST. ME. Your pretty face is not enough. In addition to this, I need you to SUPPORT your man in his endeavors. He wants to start his own business? Help him create a business plan. Find locations. Prepare budgets. I'm sorry hun, but if you want to be his wife one day, you need to know that that requires WORK. If you aren't prepared to do that, then you're not prepared to be a wife.
5. Learn New Things
NOW, it's safe to take your minds into the gutter. If you and your man are sexually active, you're going to have to learn something. Buy some candles, make a naughty playlist, watch some porn, teach yourself something! Missionary sex is kinda boring and if you only have sex at home, you lose. Find some deserted beach. Rent a room. Pull the seat down in your car. DO. SOMETHING. NEW. OH! And if you can't give head, you lose. I DEAD sorry. And if you just cringed reading that, someone else is doing it to him, for you. :)
I don't know how someone expects to keep a GOOD man by doing nothing. I mean NOTHING. You need to know that your days of doing nothing as a girlfriend were left behind in high school. If you miraculously roll up on a good man, please play your role. You worked hard to get his attention now you have to work twice as hard to keep it. If you don't I can bet my life that someone else will.
Someone is ALWAYS trying to take your spot. #StepYoGameUp #KeepYoGameUp