Last time I talked about the smothering women. This time I wanna talk about the ones who do the EXACT opposite. Yeah, you. I see you. Miss Independent Woman. :)
I have nothing against a woman who has her own. As a matter of fact, as a woman that calls herself "independent", I applaud you as well. Being on your own as a woman is never easy. It is incredibly easy to sell yourself short in order to have nice things. You can lay on your back for a week and come up with my month's salary. And if you have low self esteem and no morals you may be a-okay with this lifestyle. But I'm sure many of you reading this are not and would prefer to hold your head in your '01 Accord than hide behind shades in your '12 S-Class Benz. So you work. And hard. Need a man? Nope. YOU GAT IT. But where do we draw the line?
How do we maintain our independence within a courtship or relationship? How do we submit without losing ourselves? How do we cater without feeling like a slave?
Relationships, platonic and romantic, are a lot of work. Whether you choose to admit it or not. Think about a real, genuine friendship. You want to be there for your friend, but are you willing to be there when it isn't most convenient for you? Are you willing to sacrifice a little sleep in order to help a friend who really needs it? No? Well then, let me tell you that you are in no way, shape or form ready to be in a committed adult relationship. A romantic relationship calls for the same thing. But here, we call it compromise.
Compromise. Such a scary word, right? Speaking as an only child, I never understood this concept until my early 20s. And I didn't learn it in a relationship. I learned it on the job. I put in for a few days off but so did my coworker. Mine was in first so I should have been happy I got my time, right? Wrong. I wanted the time off to take a shopping trip. She wanted the time off to take her son to a medical facility in Florida. So what did I do? Compromised. I gave her my time off (along with extra days) and we agreed that she would cover my shifts in return. Easy, enough. And while this case is a bit of an extremity, it still showed me how to compromise.
As an independent woman, our ways of thinking are a little skewed. If we can do it, so can a man. He asked you to a MOVIE on your first date? WHAT THE HELL? You could do better if it were you. You would have taken him on a late night, romantic picnic. And what do you do? Complain and pout about "hating the movies as a first date option". Some of you would take another route and suggest YOU pay for the movie and food in an attempt to show your "independence". This will REALLY make him fall in love with you now! A woman who isn't afraid to pay for things? Whoa! He just won the jackpot! No, stupid. A REAL man doesn't think this. He thinks "Jesus, does she think I'm broke? I asked HER out. Imagine what it would be like to be with her. She may want to pay for everything and I'll never get to do nice things for her. Such a competitor. Maybe I'll just consider this a free movie and move on." And once again, you're stuck at home on a Saturday night. Alone. And no missed calls. And ya know what you're probably thinking after that date? "Psshh. He wasn't man enough." Yeah, sure. Cuz your balls were heavy enough for the both of you.
JUST BE A WOMAN. If a man wants to take you out, LET HIM DO IT. He wants to take you to dinner? You don't need to reach into your purse when the bill comes. A man KNOWS what he is supposed to do and trust me if he feels like you're worth it, he will.
And as for "catering" to a man. Please know that this is reserved for a man that's given you some kind of commitment. It doesn't have to necessarily be marriage, but at least be on the same page. Catering to a man doesn't mean you scrape his calluses with a butter knife but you know how to make him feel like a man. He comes over to your place? Prepare a home-cooked meal with a nice bottle of wine. Or turn your bedroom into a massage room, oils and candles included. This doesn't make you any less of a ball-buster in the courtroom or boardroom or wherever you're employed. But when you come home to your man, you gata shake that off. You are a WOMAN then.