xoxo, Your Favorite Girl
I want to be your favorite girl.
That girl.
You want to kiss in public.
Holding hands doesn't sound so scary anymore.
That girl.
That made you change your mind.
Marriage is inevitable and kids are a necessity.
That girl.
Who makes your toes curl while you're at work, behind your desk, punching numbers.
She didn't do anything.
Today.
But last night, made sure that she left her mark on her territory.
That girl.
That knows God.
That girl.
That encourages you.
Inspires you.
Drives you to be better.
By being that girl.
That strong, independent yet vulnerable woman.
That girl.
That can throw on a mini dress with your favorite fuck me pumps and still look like a lady.
That girl.
That knows when to be a woman and when to let you lead.
That girl.
That consoles without condescending.
That girl.
Whose smile is imprinted in the corners of your mind, saving its memory for the days when she's not there.
That girl.
Whose kisses are softer than your daydreams ever eluded.
Kisses that can make your heart melt and leave you drunk with desire.
That girl.
Whose perfect, round eyes seem to swallow you whole and leave you enamored, lost and devoured.
That girl.
Whose life is so intricately intertwined with yours, should she leave ...
That girl.
This girl.
I just want to be your favorite girl.
MMF.
That girl.
You want to kiss in public.
Holding hands doesn't sound so scary anymore.
That girl.
That made you change your mind.
Marriage is inevitable and kids are a necessity.
That girl.
Who makes your toes curl while you're at work, behind your desk, punching numbers.
She didn't do anything.
Today.
But last night, made sure that she left her mark on her territory.
That girl.
That knows God.
That girl.
That encourages you.
Inspires you.
Drives you to be better.
By being that girl.
That strong, independent yet vulnerable woman.
That girl.
That can throw on a mini dress with your favorite fuck me pumps and still look like a lady.
That girl.
That knows when to be a woman and when to let you lead.
That girl.
That consoles without condescending.
That girl.
Whose smile is imprinted in the corners of your mind, saving its memory for the days when she's not there.
That girl.
Whose kisses are softer than your daydreams ever eluded.
Kisses that can make your heart melt and leave you drunk with desire.
That girl.
Whose perfect, round eyes seem to swallow you whole and leave you enamored, lost and devoured.
That girl.
Whose life is so intricately intertwined with yours, should she leave ...
That girl.
This girl.
I just want to be your favorite girl.
MMF.
Satisfaction
My body covets your touch …
The warmth of your breath …
The cadence of your perfectly-paced breathing …
The tempo of your heartbeat against my breasts …
The trail of soft kisses that lead to and …
Awaken …
Arouse …
Stimulate …
Incinerate …
My most clandestine chambers.
That belong only to you …
I hear your incoherent whimpers …
Your unintelligible implorations …
I begin to see … and excitedly receive …
Your carnivorous and ravenous disposition ….
That unappeasably hungers and thirsts after me …
I feel your need …
Your desperation …
Desire,
Anguish,
I feel ….
You.
My desire to reciprocate …
Is turned down by your voracious appetite …
I can neither move …
Think …
I can only …
Sense …
Feel …
Grasp …
Allow.
My vision is now blurred …
Distorted and hazy ….
Your opaque existence is slowly changing …
You become translucent …
Nearly transparent …
I can now see right through …
An apparition you seem to be now …
As I reach to, but …
Right through you …
I whisper your name …
And desperately want to hold you ….
I can feel the sting of the tears …
As you fade away …
I awaken from my slumber …
Wishing …
Anticipating ….
In dire need of …
Satisfaction.
MacarraF.
The warmth of your breath …
The cadence of your perfectly-paced breathing …
The tempo of your heartbeat against my breasts …
The trail of soft kisses that lead to and …
Awaken …
Arouse …
Stimulate …
Incinerate …
My most clandestine chambers.
That belong only to you …
I hear your incoherent whimpers …
Your unintelligible implorations …
I begin to see … and excitedly receive …
Your carnivorous and ravenous disposition ….
That unappeasably hungers and thirsts after me …
I feel your need …
Your desperation …
Desire,
Anguish,
I feel ….
You.
My desire to reciprocate …
Is turned down by your voracious appetite …
I can neither move …
Think …
I can only …
Sense …
Feel …
Grasp …
Allow.
My vision is now blurred …
Distorted and hazy ….
Your opaque existence is slowly changing …
You become translucent …
Nearly transparent …
I can now see right through …
An apparition you seem to be now …
As I reach to, but …
Right through you …
I whisper your name …
And desperately want to hold you ….
I can feel the sting of the tears …
As you fade away …
I awaken from my slumber …
Wishing …
Anticipating ….
In dire need of …
Satisfaction.
MacarraF.
How Easy
How easy you find it to tell me you love me
Then so easily go back to your home.
Where your life lies.
Your happiness,
Your security.
How badly I wish you could feel, just for one day, my pain.
The tugs at my heart are a lot more frequent.
The tears come at the worst times.
So unexpected, so unwanted.
I look at you and I see my future.
But when you look at me what do you see?
I've given you Me.
All. Uninhibited. Withholding absolutely nothing.
And all I can get from you is the shell of a man when I want so much more....
I want to know your dreams, be in your dreams, be your dream.
I want to be the other half that you've been searching for your entire life.
The one you put all of your trust in because you know I won't let you down...
(I couldn't even if I tried).
The first thing you think about in the morning and the last person you think about at night.
The person who makes your world a better place just by being in it.
The one you love not because of but in spite of.
The mother of your children and the lover of your soul.
The one who can finish your sentences time and time again.
The one that is connected to you spiritually and then physically.
Maybe not the best lover, but your only lover, your love-her.
The one you love with more than the physical
The one you love with all that you ever aspire to be.
How easy it would be for me if this were a reality....
How easy it would be for me if I could convince you....
Until tomorrow, my love....
MMF.
Then so easily go back to your home.
Where your life lies.
Your happiness,
Your security.
How badly I wish you could feel, just for one day, my pain.
The tugs at my heart are a lot more frequent.
The tears come at the worst times.
So unexpected, so unwanted.
I look at you and I see my future.
But when you look at me what do you see?
I've given you Me.
All. Uninhibited. Withholding absolutely nothing.
And all I can get from you is the shell of a man when I want so much more....
I want to know your dreams, be in your dreams, be your dream.
I want to be the other half that you've been searching for your entire life.
The one you put all of your trust in because you know I won't let you down...
(I couldn't even if I tried).
The first thing you think about in the morning and the last person you think about at night.
The person who makes your world a better place just by being in it.
The one you love not because of but in spite of.
The mother of your children and the lover of your soul.
The one who can finish your sentences time and time again.
The one that is connected to you spiritually and then physically.
Maybe not the best lover, but your only lover, your love-her.
The one you love with more than the physical
The one you love with all that you ever aspire to be.
How easy it would be for me if this were a reality....
How easy it would be for me if I could convince you....
Until tomorrow, my love....
MMF.
Letter To My Black Man
To my ebony love:
Whom I have dubbed
My "night" in shining armor.
My african prince
Whose voice, when raised barely above a whisper can turn my most private chambers into pools of hot molten lava.
Or a waterfall.
A waterfall that can be likened unto the glory and majesty of Niagara.
Whose speech is as eloquent as Cicero.
My Nubian Emperor
Whose eyes are as ageless as the sun.
Eyes that seem to pierce beyond mine
And bore into my soul
To see the real me.
The Me that is longing to be held in your arms
And overcome with joy by your presence
Overwhelmed by your generosity
And overcome with joy for I have found love.
Real love.
My black king
Whose touch is somewhat reminiscent to that of Midas.
Whose touch can incinerate and bring to life anything it reaches for.
You have touched me.
For longer than should be allowed.
And you've brought to life parts of me I never knew existed.
A touch that is as consoling as the darkness of the night.
One that I long for, dream of and desire.
My mahogany mate
Whose kiss can take me far away
To neither land, air or sea
But to an unknown realm
Where there is only you and I.
Two states of beings, souls, drifting.
My noble knight,
Whose love can only be described in metaphors:
Whose love is the inexhaustible deep sea.
The lasting pyramids.
Whose love is a sacred shrine.
As real as the stars.
As secure as the grave.
Whose love soothes; the breath of Spring.
Whose love can so easily transcend time and space
And allow me to be my best self.
A love that allows me to open up and feel free
You once said to me:
"Tears do not compromise your strength"
With you, tears are non-existant.
I believe in you and in you am I made stronger and complete.
This is for you.
My Black Man.
Yours truly,
Nubian Princess.
MacarraF.
Whom I have dubbed
My "night" in shining armor.
My african prince
Whose voice, when raised barely above a whisper can turn my most private chambers into pools of hot molten lava.
Or a waterfall.
A waterfall that can be likened unto the glory and majesty of Niagara.
Whose speech is as eloquent as Cicero.
My Nubian Emperor
Whose eyes are as ageless as the sun.
Eyes that seem to pierce beyond mine
And bore into my soul
To see the real me.
The Me that is longing to be held in your arms
And overcome with joy by your presence
Overwhelmed by your generosity
And overcome with joy for I have found love.
Real love.
My black king
Whose touch is somewhat reminiscent to that of Midas.
Whose touch can incinerate and bring to life anything it reaches for.
You have touched me.
For longer than should be allowed.
And you've brought to life parts of me I never knew existed.
A touch that is as consoling as the darkness of the night.
One that I long for, dream of and desire.
My mahogany mate
Whose kiss can take me far away
To neither land, air or sea
But to an unknown realm
Where there is only you and I.
Two states of beings, souls, drifting.
My noble knight,
Whose love can only be described in metaphors:
Whose love is the inexhaustible deep sea.
The lasting pyramids.
Whose love is a sacred shrine.
As real as the stars.
As secure as the grave.
Whose love soothes; the breath of Spring.
Whose love can so easily transcend time and space
And allow me to be my best self.
A love that allows me to open up and feel free
You once said to me:
"Tears do not compromise your strength"
With you, tears are non-existant.
I believe in you and in you am I made stronger and complete.
This is for you.
My Black Man.
Yours truly,
Nubian Princess.
MacarraF.
Perfectionner l'intimité
Concentrated
rhythmic movements …
Perspiration condensation now precipitation …
Erratic cardiovascular jerks …
Intelligible, nonsensical murmurs …
And with a whiff of satisfaction in sight …
The curtains draw close …
And like a one scene monologue …
It’s over … before it’s even started.
I don’t want sex.
That’s the problem.
In and out. No control. Feelings void.
Crass … harsh … wild.
Make love to me.
Show me …
Tell me …
Give me …
Emotion.
Raw intensity.
I want to feel your heartbeat … inside me.
As you’re … inside me
Hold my hand … my heart.
As I hold my breath …
Hold me close …
Don’t let me stray …
Keep me focused on you, on us …
Trails of kisses that lead to anywhere but here …
Where have I found myself?
Caught in the middle of a carnal tryst
With someone whose made me their primary carnal desire …
But I want more.
More of what I can’t have.
More of what’s not even there.
More of … nothing.
MacarraF.
Perspiration condensation now precipitation …
Erratic cardiovascular jerks …
Intelligible, nonsensical murmurs …
And with a whiff of satisfaction in sight …
The curtains draw close …
And like a one scene monologue …
It’s over … before it’s even started.
I don’t want sex.
That’s the problem.
In and out. No control. Feelings void.
Crass … harsh … wild.
Make love to me.
Show me …
Tell me …
Give me …
Emotion.
Raw intensity.
I want to feel your heartbeat … inside me.
As you’re … inside me
Hold my hand … my heart.
As I hold my breath …
Hold me close …
Don’t let me stray …
Keep me focused on you, on us …
Trails of kisses that lead to anywhere but here …
Where have I found myself?
Caught in the middle of a carnal tryst
With someone whose made me their primary carnal desire …
But I want more.
More of what I can’t have.
More of what’s not even there.
More of … nothing.
MacarraF.
Disenchantment
I love you.
More than words can say.
But you’ll never believe me.
I mask my ostensibly unrequited love with animosity.
Protect my heart with a callous and austere demeanor.
I wish you would see through my resilient façade.
I wish that you would see that I’m incredibly fragile.
Ready to break at a moment’s notice.
But my act has been so impeccably perfected, you believe.
You could never imagine the pain of being in love with someone that can’t love you back.
I wish you could see me at night.
When thoughts of you,
Of us,
Are most rampant.
I can’t seem to stop the visions of me wrapped in your arms once again.
It was then that I forgot the past,
And knew only the present.
In that moment, there was a release.
I was with you and that was all that mattered.
The fact that we both belonged to another meant almost nothing.
It only meant that the time we had together was that much more precious.
We have a connection that you cannot deny.
So strong it drives me to do things I wouldn’t normally do.
I know you want to do the right thing,
But is the right thing always the best thing?
You’ve entered my life and it has never been the same.
I can see it in your eyes.
You wished that we had stuck it out.
Waited.
Ventured.
But we were both so overwhelmed by the newness,
The paroxysm of emotions,
The exploration of both our carnal desires.
It was simply uncontainable, irrepressible, overwhelming.
Our ecstasy became our demise.
-MacarraF.
More than words can say.
But you’ll never believe me.
I mask my ostensibly unrequited love with animosity.
Protect my heart with a callous and austere demeanor.
I wish you would see through my resilient façade.
I wish that you would see that I’m incredibly fragile.
Ready to break at a moment’s notice.
But my act has been so impeccably perfected, you believe.
You could never imagine the pain of being in love with someone that can’t love you back.
I wish you could see me at night.
When thoughts of you,
Of us,
Are most rampant.
I can’t seem to stop the visions of me wrapped in your arms once again.
It was then that I forgot the past,
And knew only the present.
In that moment, there was a release.
I was with you and that was all that mattered.
The fact that we both belonged to another meant almost nothing.
It only meant that the time we had together was that much more precious.
We have a connection that you cannot deny.
So strong it drives me to do things I wouldn’t normally do.
I know you want to do the right thing,
But is the right thing always the best thing?
You’ve entered my life and it has never been the same.
I can see it in your eyes.
You wished that we had stuck it out.
Waited.
Ventured.
But we were both so overwhelmed by the newness,
The paroxysm of emotions,
The exploration of both our carnal desires.
It was simply uncontainable, irrepressible, overwhelming.
Our ecstasy became our demise.
-MacarraF.
One Night's Atonement
Why do you make me want you like this?
Why do you have to touch me there?
Like that? … Right here?
Your hands … feather my back.
Sending shivers up my spine …
Awakening my hibernating parts.
I deliberately lean my head to the right as you slowly come closer.
I await, with bated breath, as you rest your soft, firm lips on my collarbone, leaving a trail of perfectly soft, sweet kisses behind …
And as your ever skillful hands cup my waist and pull me closer.
I know we shouldn’t … But I can’t stop.
As I turn to reciprocate your soft kisses …
Both your arms envelope my waist now … Making me feel so tiny next to you.
You effortlessly lift me onto your lap, lips never parted.
And it drives me crazy … To the point of no return.
As I tilt my head back … Your trail of kisses make me dizzy.
Your hands slide up my back … Forcing me to sit erect.
I look into your eyes and become a slave to them …
Following their every move.
Wondering.
Waiting.
Will he?
Will we?
We both smile that nervous-I-hope-I’m-not-crossing-the-line smile and look away.
You pull my face to yours and kiss me again.
Making my stomach flutter and heart skip 3 or 4 beats.
I’m so scared it hurts.
Should I?
Your fingers linger a little longer on my thighs.
Making my heart palpitate.
Making my breathing a little raspier.
Making me wet.
You move a little further up …
And my eyelids flutter in absolute shock and surprise.
Is it too soon?
But I look at you and I just know.
MacarraF.
Why do you have to touch me there?
Like that? … Right here?
Your hands … feather my back.
Sending shivers up my spine …
Awakening my hibernating parts.
I deliberately lean my head to the right as you slowly come closer.
I await, with bated breath, as you rest your soft, firm lips on my collarbone, leaving a trail of perfectly soft, sweet kisses behind …
And as your ever skillful hands cup my waist and pull me closer.
I know we shouldn’t … But I can’t stop.
As I turn to reciprocate your soft kisses …
Both your arms envelope my waist now … Making me feel so tiny next to you.
You effortlessly lift me onto your lap, lips never parted.
And it drives me crazy … To the point of no return.
As I tilt my head back … Your trail of kisses make me dizzy.
Your hands slide up my back … Forcing me to sit erect.
I look into your eyes and become a slave to them …
Following their every move.
Wondering.
Waiting.
Will he?
Will we?
We both smile that nervous-I-hope-I’m-not-crossing-the-line smile and look away.
You pull my face to yours and kiss me again.
Making my stomach flutter and heart skip 3 or 4 beats.
I’m so scared it hurts.
Should I?
Your fingers linger a little longer on my thighs.
Making my heart palpitate.
Making my breathing a little raspier.
Making me wet.
You move a little further up …
And my eyelids flutter in absolute shock and surprise.
Is it too soon?
But I look at you and I just know.
MacarraF.