Someone asked the question a few days ago: Is it harder for a man to find a good woman or vice versa? I stared at the question for a good minute before I responded. I said: It will ALWAYS be harder to find a good man, than it is to find a good woman.

Let me just clarify what I consider a "good man". A man who's faithful, takes care of him and his own, is not abusive (in any form), appreciates a woman for all she is and all that jazz. Nobody's looking for perfection, because not only is it impossible and unattainable, it's boring as hell. And I only pointed out the core things because attributes like personality, sex and good looks are all relative. 

Now before the guys smash my head in, I'm not saying most men are bad, but the vast majority of men run through a plethora of women before they even DREAM of settling down with one woman for the rest of his life. Does that mean he is incapable of being a good man? No. I just think more men stick to the old belief that a man must "rid himself" of his demons before settling down. (Absolute and pure BS to me, but whatever). And I am CERTAINLY not saying that all women are good cuz ..... Honey. No. 

I said something yesterday and I was accused of being nonsensical. I said "Most women are exactly the same." And I truly believe we are. Now when I say the same, I'm obviously not saying that all of us are carbon copies of each other. But at our very inner core, we all want to do the SAME things. Be a good wife and good mother; viewed as special and sacred to one man. We can't help that. We were born with both a maternal instinct and a craving for love, adoration and affection. If you can sit here and tell me that this is NOT what you want, you are either lying or a very rare breed. Not to say that is all we want out of  life (for you independent sisters out there) but at the very end of the day, this is what matters the most.

Some "scientific" findings claim that women can almost always tell if they're going to have sex with a man. And I kinda agree. If he passes our physical test, then chances are he can get the nook.  But when it comes to wanting to marry a man, I give a woman about 3-6 months. Men please believe that if a woman's been with you for about 6 months, she's imagined what it would be like to be married to you. Women can sit there and call me crazy but I'm being real. I know I've sure as hell done it. Do all men pass the test? Hell to the no. But some do. And our minds are so complex and downright effed up, a part of us begins to treat this man like he IS our husband. 

All of a sudden you wanna cook and clean for him, be his therapist, wash his clothes, give him massages. Why? Because we want to PROVE to our imaginary husband, that we can be his real life wife. We wanna prove that we're different and can change his life. We wanna prove that we're the reason your ex didn't last. We. Always. Want. To. Prove. We may all not do it at the same time and not in the same ways but we always want to prove that we're worth loving. And in most cases, wind up spoiling a man who doesn't even deserve it. And men nowadays are smart. They know that most women think like this and they capitalize on it. So they'll sell you dreams and tell you exactly what you wanna hear to get all this "free love". And when they get bored, they leave. Knowing that this is what most women do, they think it's going to be easy to find another woman waiting and willing to cater to him. 

Why do you think so many men are going back to school and getting that degree? To make more money. Duh! Because this makes him look like a "good man". And why do you think so many men are playing up the Nice Guy Card? Because it works! Think about it: He's educated, polite, respectable, has a good job, nice car AND has money in the bank? Definitely a catch. Not because that's all women want but because those kinds of men are so hard to find! 

Women will forever lose. Until we learn to control our emotions. I'm no love doctor, nor am I a clinical therapist/psychologist or whatever, but I DO know that the one that cares the least is HURT the least. I'm not saying you shouldn't care either, but try to keep that mess under wraps. (Something I'm still teaching myself). When you feel tempted to send that mushy BBM/Text/WhatsApp/DM/IM ... please. PLEASE! Put the smartphone AWAY, go to sleep, call a friend, go out, eat, bathe, shower, shave ... see where I'm going with this? Distract yourself. Especially if the man barely invests in you, what you're investing in him.

Women also have this thing where they have to showboat their new man to his ex. Gloat in her face and say dumb things like, "THIS is how you keep a man." You are so dumb. You may have just been lucky. (If he doesn't kick you in the behind, too).Who's to say that she wasn't doing exactly what you are and then some? There's something called timing. And for a man, this is more important than love in some instances. If a man is still struggling, or in school, doesn't have a car, his own place or his dream job, chances are he does NOT want to settle down with you. Not because you're not a good woman but because in his mind, he is nowhere near ready to take care of himself, much less a woman. And what kind of man wants to marry a woman that's going to have to take care of him? How many times have you seen a man date a woman for 5-6 years and never hint at marriage but meet another woman, possibly weeks later and marry her within a year? A man has to be comfortable in his own life before he brings someone else into it. 

I feel like I'm running on so I'll stop here and end with this: Stop allowing what we WANT a man to be, blind us from seeing who he really is. Love yourself enough to guard your heart. Not everyone is deserving. 
So a friend and I were talking about Drake's new album: Take Care. He thought it was a great R&B album and a horrible rap album. We joked around and called Drake a 'simper' because that's all he's been doing lately. But I can appreciate a man in touch with that side of himself. Drake has obviously been heartbroken and has no problem sharing that with the world (and make a few millions at the same time). My friend pretty much brushed it off and concluded that he couldn't absolutely love the album because he couldn't relate. My friend has never been heartbroken.

At first, I was like 'This is a lucky dude.' Then I started to think some more. Is heartbreak really such a bad thing? I changed my mind. I think it's the best thing you could ever go through ... ONCE. 

Heartbreak is such a beautifully painful experience. Obviously, going through hurts like all living hell. The sleepless nights. Puffy eyes. That nauseating feeling in your stomach every time you think of your lover in the arms of someone else. Shit sucks, yo! But good God didn't it make you a stronger lover? A stronger wife? Husband? Person? 

To have the one person you entrusted your heart to just up and leave you? To have your confidante, your best friend and lover tell you they don't care anymore? To cry and beg them to love you back just to be shut down with the coldest eyes? HEARTBREAK IS SO RETROSPECT-FULLY BEAUTIFUL. When you feel this, this means you invested so much. Loved so hard. Gave so willingly. You LOVED. 

Could you imagine being with someone, investing so much of yourself, your heart, your future with someone with a lackadaisical approach to love? So relaxed. Methodical. Logical. There is no logic in love. NONE. NONE! If you can sit down and give me logistics of why you're with someone, chances are Y'ALL WON'T LAST. Judge me. Ine care. I wanna be with someone and when someone asks me, 'Why are y'all together?" .. I want my only answer to be, "Because we love each other." That's it. Not because he's cute or funny or is handsome ... I just love him. And I can't fully explain it. 

Call me crazy but I'd like to be with someone who's been heartbroken. Who doesn't look at love through rose colored glasses. I want someone who'll fight tooth and nail to keep me because they refuse to be heartbroken again. I want that strong love. Crazy love? Maybe so. But I don't want the basic fairy tale. Sheltered princess meets Prince Charming and they live and love happily ever after. Keep it. I want the man who's been hurt like all hell. Because I know he is capable of loving someone with all their heart. Mind. Body. Soul. Someone who loves like me. 

I gata go ... can't talk about this much longer or I'll get way too emotional. But one of my favorite Lady Gaga quotes sums this entire thing up: "I want the deepest, darkest, sickest parts of you that you are afraid to share with anyone - Because I love you that much."